<\/p>\n
The mind is the most private part of your inner life. No one can know for sure what you allow to enter into it, and no one can know what goes on in your mind unless you reveal it.<\/p>\n
The longer I work with people, the more convinced I become that everyone can and does control his mind. We make our own decisions, and no one can change them.<\/p>\n
Here are some areas in which you have the power to make choices:<\/p>\n
Everyone has the power of choice. While writing this chapter, I observed a tiny four-year-old refuse to eat his bread in spite of the threat of physical punishment at the hands of a 200-pound adult. He was prepared to risk a spanking, suffer hunger, and sacrifice the good will of his parents, but he wasn’t eating that bread.<\/p>\n
Recently, some friends were sharing experiences regarding their children and piano lessons. One child refused to practice no matter what incentives or threats were made.\u00a0After three months, the parents gave up, worried about the future of their \u201cbull-headed\u201d child.<\/p>\n
Another child in the same family also resisted practicing piano, but gave up easily. Her parents considered her a \u201cmore sensible\u201d child than her brother. To their surprise, she quit playing the piano the day of high school graduation. When pressed for a reason, she explained she never liked it, but it wasn’t worth the hassle to fight it. Their daughter wasn’t as \u201csensible\u201d as they thought she was.<\/p>\n
Here were two children with identical minds about practicing piano. They illustrate the difficulty we have in making judgments about someone’s inner life based upon their words or behavior.<\/p>\n
Both children were in charge of their own minds. In the boy’s case, his words and behavior were a true reflection of what was on his mind. In the girl’s case, her words and behavior were a misrepresentation of what was on her mind. The Bible puts it clearly:<\/p>\n
For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, \u201cEat and drink!\u201d But his heart is not with you (Proverbs 23:7).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Our reflection can be real\u2014or an illusion of how we really are.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/p>\nWE DECIDE WHAT ENTERS OUR MINDS<\/h4>\n
Last night, I was visiting a friend and noticed a thick booklet lying on a table, entitled Cessna 340 Manual.<\/em> My friend explained that he was taking delivery on an airplane and was cramming his head full of information about the plane. Clearly, if he means to fly that plane safely, he is wise to commit himself to obeying the instructions in that manual.<\/p>\n
My friend has the power to choose to study his manual and fill his mind with airplane facts. A passenger on a commercial airplane can also choose what to do with the mind while in flight:<\/p>\n
\n
- Choose a magazine.<\/li>\n
- Use earphones that plug into at least six channels for music or speeches.<\/li>\n
- Read material he brought on board.<\/li>\n
- Write reports, do planning, or other work.<\/li>\n
- Sit and think.<\/li>\n
- Engage in a conversation.<\/li>\n
- Watch the people around him.<\/li>\n
- Sleep.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
MANY VOICES<\/h4>\n
You are constantly exchanging ideas with partners, parents, relatives, friends, teachers, preachers, and others.<\/p>\n
We are all familiar with the flood of ideas coming at us from the radio, TV, newspapers, books, magazines, pamphlets, movies, billboards, and advertisements.<\/p>\n
What will you do with this mass of information that bids for your attention? Remember, it’s your<\/em> attention. It’s your mind. There is no avoiding your responsibility. There are several options open to you.<\/p>\n
First, you have considerable choice of what you will read, look at, or listen to.<\/p>\n
Second, once your mind is expose to this mass of ideas, you must decide whether to accept or reject them. You may be well equipped or poorly equipped for the task, but no one can do it for you.<\/p>\n
YOU NEED A FILTER<\/h4>\n
You need a standard to go by. The Bible says:<\/p>\n
\u201cMy thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,\u201d declares the Lord (Isaiah 55:8).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Since our thoughts are not His thoughts, nor our ways His ways, we need to make a conscious, deliberate effort to know Him. Just as my friend filled his mind with instructions from the Cessna 340 Manual<\/em> in order to \u201cfly right,\u201d so we must fill our head with God’s commandments in order to think straight\u2014to develop a basis for keeping acceptable ideas and filtering out the unacceptable ones.<\/p>\n
King David, a man after God’s own heart, said of God’s laws:<\/p>\n
The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes than much fine gold (Psalm 19:7-10).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Again, he says:<\/p>\n
The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice. The law of his God is in his heart; his steps do not slip (Psalm 37:30-31).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
I have more insight than all my teachers, for Thy testimonies are my meditation (Psalm 119:99).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
It is profitable for anyone to invest many hours in the study of the Proverbs. Here are some of them:<\/p>\n
If you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding: lf you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God (Proverbs 2:3-5).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way, and the perverted mouth, I hate (Proverbs 8:13).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will find good (Proverbs 19:8).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
This is no simple path to follow. The management of your mind is a daily task. It involves continuous study, and no one can do it for you. The apostle Paul gives us some instructions that are attainable by anyone who will pay the price. His advice demands a choice, and this choice must be renewed day by day:<\/p>\n
We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2-3).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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<\/p>\n
DECISION MAKING<\/h4>\n
Every day of your life, you are called upon to make decisions, and you must respond to decisions other people make that affect you. Some decisions facing you are how to respond to tragedy, death, some event beyond your control, or a dirty trick.<\/p>\n
This whole area of decision-making is a common subject in the consulting room. Most of my clients who bring up this subject are anxious about a decision to be made or are disturbed and angry over the outcome of a decision or event that has already occurred, whether my client participated in it or was only affected by it.<\/p>\n
Following are some Bible verses that have proven useful in managing the mental activity involved in decision-making:<\/p>\n
Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. And He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who carries out wicked schemes (Psalm 37:4-7).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
Commit your works to the LORD, and your plans will be established (Proverbs 16:3).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Some reflection on those verses makes it clear that we err if we try to evaluate the immediate outcome of a decision or event.<\/p>\n
The emphasis in these verses is not on the outcome of the decisions, but on the attitude of the decision maker.<\/p>\n
\n
- Delight yourself in the Lord.<\/li>\n
- Commit your way to the Lord.<\/li>\n
- Trust in Him.<\/li>\n
- Rest in the Lord.<\/li>\n
- Wait patiently for Him.<\/li>\n
- Fret not yourself.<\/li>\n
- God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
LIFE’S A DRAMA…AND YOU’RE THE STAR!<\/h4>\n
If you meet the conditions just mentioned, life will become more like watching a drama or a movie. You know before you begin watching that the script has already been written.<\/p>\n
There will be happy times, crisis times, even tragic times. Part of the reason for watching is to enjoy the suspense and some of the emotion as the story line develops.<\/p>\n
You will enjoy watching how things turn out. You won’t be anxious about making plans or pursuing the desires of your heart. You know that His thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are His ways your ways. It’s fun to see how close you can come to His plans and to see how all things work together for good.<\/p>\n
Let me emphasize again that these verses stress the attitude of the decision maker rather than evaluate the immediate outcome of a decision or an event. It takes months or even years to see how all things work together.<\/p>\n
I have stood by many people who have gone through crisis times. Everyone eventually sees his problem work out. Let me share one such story with you that covers a period of six years.<\/p>\n
RONALD’S STORY<\/h4>\n
Ronald was in his early 50s when his wife died in a car accident. There is no way to explain such a tragedy. Ronald was a man committed to trusting God, and his faith sustained him as he went through the process of building a new life.<\/p>\n
Two years later, he accepted a job in another state. This meant selling his house, leasing an apartment in another state, and getting settled there. The new job never did work out, and after struggling with it for two years, he finally gave up.<\/p>\n
This development seemed like such a needless event for a Christian who was committed to trusting and resting in God. His friends wondered why God was treating Ronald this way. He went on trusting, insisting that one of these days everything would make sense.<\/p>\n
He found a job in another city, which meant another move. As it turned out, he fit that job like a hand and glove. Better yet, he found a circle of Christian friends with whom he was more compatible than any group of friends he ever had.<\/p>\n
Another unexpected event happened to Ronald. A lovely Christian widow showed up seemingly out of nowhere. After a few months they announced their plans to get married.\u00a0What a happy marriage it turned out to be!<\/p>\n
This story is like thousands of others. The events of life are bittersweet. They make sense only over the long haul. If you were to ask Ronald what he thought about the Christian life, he would quote Romans 8:28 to you:<\/p>\n
We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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\n<\/p>\nRESULTS OF IGNORING GOD: \u00a0DEPRAVED MINDS<\/h4>\n
We live in a tension-filled world. Violence, deception, fraud, and strained relations seem to be the norm rather than the exception.<\/p>\n
A typical daily newspaper front page will include: (1) reports of some full-scale war somewhere in the world, (2) a local or area murder story, (3) fraudulent activity locally, (4) a kidnapping somewhere, (5) a local barroom brawl or some such story. When you think about the human relations you know of, don\u2019t they compare to the following?<\/p>\n
Just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, malice; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful (Romans 1:28-31).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The way to keep from developing such a mind is to choose to know and keep God’s commandments.<\/p>\n
A HAPPIER NOTE: \u00a0WHOLESOME MINDS<\/h4>\n
The Bible verses in this chapter have been assembled with an emphasis on the management of your mind. You can choose what will linger there. You can have a depraved mind\u2014or a wholesome mind. If you seek to please God with the use of your mind, you will be able to describe yourself as did the prophet Jeremiah:<\/p>\n
Thus says the LORD, \u201cLet not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice, and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,\u201d declares the LORD (Jeremiah 9:23-24).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Finally, some classic advice from the apostle Paul on the management of your mind:<\/p>\n
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things (Philippians 4:6-8).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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<\/p>\n
SECTION 2: \u00a0THE KEY TO FELLOWSHIP\u2014A MEETING OF THE MINDS<\/h3>\n
Everyone interacts with other people\u2014in a family, at work, at church, in a store, in a car, in a neighborhood. In the process, you either reveal or conceal what is on your mind.<\/p>\n
DECEPTION IS COMMON<\/h4>\n
An anxious, disgruntled young man, married six months, came to see me about his marriage. He hated his wife’s hairdo, her cooking, housekeeping, and lovemaking. What was he doing about it?<\/p>\n
\u201cI haven’t the heart to tell her, Dr. Brandt. So I’ve been telling her what a good job she’s been doing in each of those areas.\u201d<\/p>\n
A very worried and tense young lady came to see me because her wedding date was two months away, and she couldn’t stand her boyfriend. He was tied to his family, wasted his money, and didn’t bathe often enough.<\/p>\n
What was she doing about the problem? Nothing. Instead, she told him how much she loved and admired him and gave everyone the impression that she was thrilled about the upcoming marriage.<\/p>\n
Another young lady came to see me because she disagreed constantly with her mother. What did she do about it? Obeyed outwardly and seethed with resentment inwardly.<\/p>\n
Many of my clients appear to be radiantly happy when they enter the consulting room, but before the session is over they reveal a bitter, hateful spirit.<\/p>\n
I have often been in social gatherings also attended by my clients. Some of the most bitter ones appeared the happiest people there.<\/p>\n
All these people were prepared to do anything to avoid the hatred, anger, ill will or the critical spirit of another person to be directed at them\u2014even to the point of lying and deceiving.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Because their sense of self-respect depended on the good will of the other person.<\/p>\n
But a deceitful relationship is self-defeating. These people didn’t come to see me because the other person was dissatisfied. They came because they, themselves, were miserable.<\/p>\n
In the courtroom, if a witness fails to reveal accurately what is on his mind, it is called perjury. The Watergate scandal should be a stark reminder of the misery we can cause ourselves by covering up the truth. The men involved brought the wrath of the nation down on themselves.<\/p>\n
In day-to-day human relations, we tend to create minor Watergates when we misrepresent what is on our minds and hearts. We can give ourselves a variety of reasons for practicing such deception. Some are:<\/p>\n
\n
- My friend would hate me.<\/li>\n
- My mother would be upset.<\/li>\n
- My father would be angry.<\/li>\n
- My teacher would flunk me.<\/li>\n
- My boss would fire me.<\/li>\n
- My friends would be hurt or surprised.<\/li>\n
- My church would ask me to leave.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
When you misrepresent yourself to others\u2014that is, when you lie and deceive others, for any reason, you violate a commandment, which is:<\/p>\n
Laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another (Ephesians 4:25).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
To deceive another is to chip away at your own self-respect, even though you receive praise and good will as a result.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/p>\nA REMINDER<\/h4>\n
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are the fruit of the Spirit. These qualities exist only in a person who draws upon them from God.<\/p>\n
They can be directed toward you only if the other person is rightly related to God.<\/p>\n
If someone is nursing hatred or wrath in his heart and then discovers that he has been deceived, he will shower that wrath on whoever deceived him just as surely as the nation showered its wrath on the Watergate people.<\/p>\n
You err when your sense of self-respect is based on the spiritual condition of another person. You build your own self-respect when your words, behavior, emotions, and mental activity line up with God’s commandments.<\/p>\n
OUR JUDGMENT OF PEOPLE IS LIMITED<\/h4>\n
The Bible says:<\/p>\n
As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects man (Proverbs 27:19).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy (Proverbs 14:10).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Only you know what goes on underneath your skin. Whether bitterness or joy floods your soul is known only to you. I have spent a lifetime studying people, and am fully convinced that I cannot accurately decide what goes on in someone else’s heart and mind. A person may look miserable but can be radiant on the inside. Another may look happy but can be miserable on the inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019LL THROW YOU INTO THE FURNACE!\u201d<\/h4>\n
A janitor walked in on a nursery school at his church. The children were working on cutouts; paper scraps littered the floor. Gruffly, he ordered:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou kids clean up this paper, or I\u2019ll throw you into the furnace!\u201d<\/p>\n
The teacher, a newcomer in the church, gasped. But the children ran gleefully into his outstretched arms. They knew that all he meant was:<\/p>\n
\u201cHello, kids, I’m glad to see you!\u201d<\/p>\n
From what the janitor said, the teacher got a totally wrong impression of his attitude toward children. I am impressed by the wisdom given to us by the apostle Paul:<\/p>\n
But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God. For it is written, \u201cAs I live, says the LORD, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.” So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore, let us not judge one another any more, but rather determine this\u2014not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way (Romans 14:10-13).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
You can hear what I say and observe what I do, but you can’t judge the accuracy of what I say, nor can you judge my motives or my sincerity.<\/p>\n
What you can do is judge the accuracy of what you say and your own motives and sincerity.<\/em> You and I must stand or fall before God alone, when it comes to your mental activity. How, then, can we know each other? Only as we choose to open our minds and hearts to one another.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/p>\nTHE BASIS FOR FELLOWSHIP<\/h4>\n
The Bible says:<\/p>\n
Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree, and there be no divisions among you, but you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment (1 Corinthians 1:10).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose (Philippians 2:1-2).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
LIKE-MINDED<\/h4>\n
Contained in the verses mentioned above is a description of the mental activity involved in maintaining fellowship.<\/p>\n
Like-minded:<\/p>\n
\n
- agreement<\/li>\n
- no divisions<\/li>\n
- same mind<\/li>\n
- same judgment<\/li>\n
- same love<\/li>\n
- one purpose<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
If your minds are not together, you are not together, even if you speak the same words and do the same things. To illustrate, look at these examples:<\/p>\n
HIM (thinking): \u00a0Her hair is pretty.<\/p>\n
He says: \u00a0I like your hairdo.<\/p>\n
HIM (thinking): \u00a0Delicious Food.<\/p>\n
He says: \u00a0Your cooking is great!<\/p>\n
Obviously, his mind agrees with his words. He is communicating accurately.<\/p>\n
Here is another Illustration:<\/p>\n
HIM (thinking): \u00a0Hungry.<\/p>\n
He says: \u00a0I\u2019m hungry.<\/p>\n
HER (thinking): \u00a0Hungry.<\/p>\n
She says: \u00a0So am I.<\/p>\n
HIM (thinking): \u00a0Farrell\u2019s<\/p>\n
He says: \u00a0Where do you want to go?<\/p>\n
HER (thinking): \u00a0Steak House<\/p>\n
She says: \u00a0Anywhere.<\/p>\n
He says: \u00a0Let\u2019s go to Farrell\u2019s.<\/p>\n
She says: \u00a0I don\u2019t want to. Let\u2019s go to the Steak House.<\/p>\n
HIM (thinking): \u00a0I hate this.<\/p>\n
He says: \u00a0O.K.<\/p>\n
HER (thinking): \u00a0He\u2019s agreed.<\/p>\n
She says: \u00a0I\u2019m pleased.<\/p>\n
He and she were both hungry and agreed to go out. She said she would go anywhere, but she didn’t mean it and admitted it.<\/p>\n
He agreed verbally to go to the Steak House, but he didn’t change his feelings. To that extent, he deceived her, and they were not like-minded.<\/p>\n
What should he have done? He could have said:<\/p>\n
”I’d rather not go to the Steak House, but I will.”<\/p>\n
Why is that so important? He is telling the truth, rather than deceiving her.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/p>\nINVISIBLE BURDEN<\/h4>\n
Audrey was known as a good neighbor, a cheerful wife, and a generous, considerate person who loved to go out of her way to be helpful.<\/p>\n
Ralph was proud of his cheerful, neighborly wife, who never fussed at him, even when he brought guests home on short notice.<\/p>\n
In the consulting room, she said:<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m a very unhappy person. I came to find out why.\u201d The following illustration gives the reason.<\/p>\n
HER (thinking): \u00a0Oh, no, not again.<\/p>\n
She says: \u00a0I’d be glad to entertain your guests.<\/p>\n
HER (thinking): \u00a0I hate this.<\/p>\n
She says: \u00a0So glad to have you over after church.<\/p>\n
Isn’t it strange that Audrey was more concerned about appearing to be cheerful arid generous than really being cheerful and generous?<\/p>\n
This intelligent woman didn’t seem to realize the difference between acting and being real. Her invisible, but very heavy, burden was self-centeredness and deception.<\/em>\u00a0She called it neighborliness and cooperation. How true these verses are:<\/p>\n
The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways (Jeremiah 17:9-10).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Like so many of us, all Audrey needed was some instruction. No one needed to tell her that all her hard work only produced more personal misery. She saw where she was wrong and asked God to replace her selfish, deceitful spirit with His spirit of truth and service. Put in a Bible verse:<\/p>\n
The goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith (1 Timothy 1:5).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Then she worked out a more realistic schedule with her husband and neighbors. This was not as easy as it sounds.<\/p>\n
First, she had to admit to Ralph that much of her friendly cooperation was just plain phoniness. He didn’t take it very well at first, but it was true, and he had to live with it.<\/p>\n
Second, they needed to negotiate a new plan. This wasn’t easy either. Ralph was so accustomed to Audrey’s agreeing with everything, he had to get used to contrary opinions coming from her. Ralph, in the past, could easily get his own opinion accepted, it seemed, but now he frequently heard her say:<\/p>\n
“You haven’t changed my mind.” That was a stopper when they came to a deadlock.<\/p>\n
Third, they had to learn to settle deadlocks\u2014that is, making decisions knowing that their opinions differed. In such cases, one of them had to make the decision, and the other had to concede.<\/p>\n
In the long run, Audrey and Ralph built a good marriage on the firm foundation of truth.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/p>\nGETTING YOUR MINDS TOGETHER<\/h4>\n
…being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose (Philippians 2:2).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
If your minds are not together, you are not together.<\/em> I recall meeting a man at a conference who was talked into attending against his will. He was there in body but not in mind and left in two days.<\/p>\n
A lady told me how she despised the dress she was wearing. She hated the color, but her husband made her wear it.<\/p>\n
A man suffered agony sitting in church every Sunday morning. He was there bodily to get his wife off his back, but his mind wasn’t there.<\/p>\n
These people illustrate the struggle that goes on in our minds. If fellowship is the goal, this mental conflict must cease. There are a variety of ways to come to a meeting of minds:<\/p>\n
\n
- Agreement<\/li>\n
- Concession<\/li>\n
- Compromise<\/li>\n
- Acceptance of authority<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
AGREEMENT<\/h4>\n
When two or more people decide to drive to New York next Tuesday and stay at a certain Holiday lnn for a week\u2014and there are no mental reservations\u2014this could be called an agreement.<\/p>\n
CONCESSION<\/h4>\n
If someone in the party prefers a Sheraton Inn, but finally agrees to the Holiday Inn, this is a concession\u2014provided the decision is made without mental reservations.<\/p>\n
COMPROMISE<\/h4>\n
On the way to New York, the travelers take turns driving. One drives 50 mph, the other 70 mph. One’s speed is too slow to suit the other, and the other’s speed is too fast for his partner. So, they agree to both drive 60 mph. This is a compromise.<\/p>\n
ACCEPTANCE OF AUTHORITY<\/h4>\n
The travelers differ over how often to stop along the way and where to eat. Finally, they agree there must be a leader who has the last word, and one of them is chosen to be the leader.<\/p>\n
The leader decides to give the traveling partner the responsibility for deciding where to eat. The leader will decide when to stop. This is accepting authority.<\/p>\n
NEGOTIATION INVOLVES THE EMOTIONS AND ATTITUDES<\/h4>\n
No person can separate feelings, thoughts, and actions as we have done in this book. This is especially true when differences of opinion arise. We all tend to go our own way, and our opinions will sooner or later collide with someone else’s. So to work on being like-minded is a continuous process, and the process will reveal the spirit.<\/p>\n
THE NEWLYWEDS<\/h4>\n
Two newlyweds plan on both working. But the wife gets pregnant, so they must revise their plans. They are finally accustomed to her pregnancy when she has the baby, which calls for new plans again. About the time they adjust to the baby it is now a toddler, which requires more shifts in plans.<\/p>\n
So it goes all our lives. There are constant changes forcing us to make adjustments all requiring daily decisions. The necessity for making all these decisions calls for a certain attitude as described by this verse:<\/p>\n
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself (Philippians 2:3).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Negotiating new agreements can be fun only if you approach one another unselfishly, humbly, and keep the importance of the other person in mind.<\/p>\n
When there is a difference of opinion and you are not walking in the Spirit, it is easy to lose sight of the importance of the other person and become preoccupied with the negative side of the person you are negotiating with.<\/p>\n
In marriage counseling, I have observed that a young person contemplating marriage can’t say enough good about their partner, who has become the most important person in the world.<\/p>\n
But in the consulting room, because they are no longer like-minded, all they can think of is what’s wrong with the partner. This negative way of thinking can happen whenever there is a clash of opinion, even though the qualities of the opponent are still there.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/p>\nCONSIDER BOTH SIDES<\/h4>\n
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (Philippians 2:4).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
In the effort to come to a meeting of minds, you tend to get caught up in your own interest and lose sight of the other person’s. Remember, to come to a meeting of minds implies a difference of opinion in the first place.<\/p>\n
TO DRAPE OR NOT TO DRAPE<\/h4>\n
Recently, we moved to a home which had a large picture window overlooking some water. Eva wanted drapes on the window, and I didn’t. We discussed the issue back and forth.<\/p>\n
She even proved to me that everyone we knew had drapes on their windows. After everything that could be said on both sides was said, she still wanted drapes, and I didn’t. A decision had to be made. Being the head of the family, it was my decision. The result?<\/p>\n
We now have drapes.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Eva spends more time in that home than I do. I want to please her, and she wants drapes. Since it’s only a matter of opinion, and considering her interests as well as mine, the drapes didn’t affect the view, so it just made sense to yield to her interest. That settled it. We came to a meeting of minds.<\/p>\n
THE SPIRIT OF A SERVANT<\/h4>\n
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard duality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by incoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5-8).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Such is the attitude of a servant toward whomever is served. Jesus was someone\u2014the Son of God, the creator of the universe. Yet, He gave Himself fully to His task. He didn’t need to. He just surrendered Himself.<\/p>\n
YOU ARE SOMEONE<\/h4>\n
You are also someone, with talent, ability, creativity, and training. You have power, influence, perhaps riches. You may be smarter than the person you are negotiating with.<\/p>\n
I used to think that servants are people who have lowly positions with low pay. When I was a boy my mother would take in washings and scrub floors. I would deliver the washings to these huge homes. There were maids, cooks, chauffeurs, and gardeners. In my youthful mind, these people were servants.<\/p>\n
Now, I see it differently. Physicians, teachers, counselors, lawyers, builders, and bankers are servants, too. They make lots of money. It’s not the pay that makes you a servant. It’s the giving of yourself totally to your task.<\/p>\n
It is this spirit that is required if you are to be like-minded. You give yourself totally and completely to find a basis for a meeting of minds with whomever you must cooperate.<\/p>\n
Training, ability, power, or wealth does not exempt you from making a continuous effort to maintain like-mindedness\u2014even unto death.<\/p>\n
A good example is a football player. He undergoes rigorous training, suffers pain, and risks injury to carry out his commitment to his team.<\/p>\n
SUMMARY<\/h4>\n
The management of your mind is your responsibility. No one can do it for you. If you use God\u2019s commandments as a standard for what you allow into your mind, and if you commit yourself to speak the truth and to be like-minded with the people in your life, you will build your own self-respect and self-love and you will be on the road to being indestructible.<\/p>\n
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_____________________________________<\/p>\n
Review Questions:<\/strong><\/p>\n
1. Who decides what enters our minds?<\/p>\n
2. In order to think straight\u2014to develop a basis for keeping acceptable ideas and filtering out the unacceptable ones, we must fill our head with __________________ _____________________________.<\/p>\n
3. The management of your mind is what kind of task? What does it involve?<\/p>\n
4. In the process of interacting with other people, you either _____________ or _____________ what is on your mind. What happens if you choose to deceive others with whom you are interacting?<\/p>\n
5. What are four possible ways to come to a meeting of minds?<\/p>\n
a. ___________________________<\/p>\n
b. ___________________________<\/p>\n
c. ___________________________<\/p>\n
d. ___________________________<\/p>\n
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