He had started this flow. It was something he had wanted to do—to end his life. But now the horror of his choice overwhelmed him. What a mistake he had made!

“O God I don’t want to die!” he cried feebly. He knew chances were small that he would survive. An hour might pass before his wife returned—and she would be too late to save him.

He marshaled his wits to give himself an order. Get up and look through the medicine chest for adhesive tape. He tried to bring his legs up under him, but could not. He was too weak. He could only clasp his wrists with opposite hands and press his fingers across the gashes in an attempt to hold back the blood. But the blood was not to be contained. He saw it flow from beneath his weakening fingers.

“I’m a fool. My whole life I’ve been a fool!” he gasped. Then his mind began to fog, and the brightness of the blood seemed to fade. Eric Green slipped into unconsciousness; he lay there alone somewhere in the twilight between life and death …

The day had begun when Eric woke up to the smell of bacon frying. He liked bacon the way Ann, his wife, fixed it. But this morning he had no appetite for any food. He had no “stomach” either for the job that faced him that day as office manager in a large industrial firm.

“I just can’t go to work today,” he said to his wife as he plodded out to the kitchen.

“Have some coffee, and you’ll feel better,” Ann said, holding a steaming cup toward him.

There was little breakfast conversation until Ann reminded Eric he’d be late for work.

Wouldn’t she ever take him at his word? “Ann, I tell you, I’m not going,” he said sharply. “I hate those people. They make me nervous. I can’t face them today.”

“That’s last week’s song, and you played it the week before that,” she said with sarcasm. “Try something else for a change.”

That brought Eric’s temper to a boil. “When we were first married, you understood the difficulties I faced at the plant. At least you said you did,” he shouted. “Maybe you were just as cold-hearted then as you are now—only I couldn’t see through you.”

An hour went by while the quarrel raged on. Eric pushed back his dishes and laid his head in his hands on the table.

“Don’t expect any sympathy from me for the mistakes you make consistently at the office or at church or wherever you go,” she said over the excessive clattering of her dishwashing. “You act like a kid enough without my babying you …”

“What do you mean by that?” he demanded, rising up.

“What do I mean?” she replied. “‘Why, everybody knows if Eric Green doesn’t get his own way he blows his top—and woe to anyone around when the fallout comes.”

Eric pushed back his chair. “Where are those sleeping pills the doctor gave me?”

“In the medicine chest. Why?”

“I need one,” Eric said. “I need a whole bottleful.”

Ann said nothing.

“Did you hear me, Ann? I said I am going to swallow all 20 pills at once.”

Ann turned. Lines of disbelief appeared around her mouth. “I thought you were too sick to make jokes to get my sympathy. But as long as you’re at it, there’s a new package of razor blades next to the sleeping pills in the cabinet. I’m going next door.”

Eric Green had been a sociable fellow, a back-slapper, a joiner. Flattery, manipulation, taking advantage of the situation for his own good—these had been his methods. They had gotten him through college and quite a way up the ladder of success. Who was the best darn fellow in the luncheon club? Eric Green, of course. Who made the biggest impression at church? Eric Green, everyone’s friend.

Inside, however, Eric realized he didn’t have much—except for an image. And lately that image was beginning to tarnish.

His lack of depth had started to show up at the office. And more than one person had recently questioned his sincerity in Christian work. As Ann said, his violent temper was his trademark. But he had always been able to laugh off his angry outbursts, and people seemed to forget. Over the past few months, however, people had stopped laughing with him.

The old techniques of getting by were no longer working, and that bothered him. But he’d find another way. Adjustment was his middle name.

If Eric ever felt guilty, he transferred that guilt to his father; his dad had always been too busy for the family. Or, he blamed his well-meaning, but inept, mother. She had tried to rear her children by high Christian standards, but somehow when Eric or his brother protested such standards, the boys always won out—first by tears and tantrums, later by threats and defiance. His mother’s practice of Christianity never seemed equal to the demands of two wild boys.

Not until he married did anyone really know what Eric was like. In the two years Ann and Eric had been together, she had frequently confronted him. She had made him unsure of himself. Maybe that was why he had been having so much difficulty with the people in his life lately, why failure was piling upon failure. He had to show her …

In the seconds just before Eric lost consciousness, he admitted it wasn’t Ann or his mother or his father who had caused his trouble. It was no one but himself.

Eric woke up in the hospital. He found Ann by his side. She had hardly stirred in the cream and sugar at the neighbor’s when she became convicted about the mean things she had said to her husband. She went back home, called for Eric in a tone of conciliation, and found him when she saw a tiny stream of blood trickle under the bathroom door.

Eric, his old image laid aside, asked his wife for forgiveness. They had a tender reunion, and after his recovery, Eric made an appointment for counseling help.

“Dr. Brandt,” he said, “I’m a Christian, but I haven’t much lived like one.”

There was little of the Christian life I could tell him except to review what he already knew—and had known since the days when his mother had tried to teach him in her inadequate way. We spoke of hate and anger and insincere relations with others as the works of the flesh.

We discussed the spiritual walk of the Christian as outlined in Galatians 5 and Colossians 3, and what Jesus has to say in Matthew 15:8 about mere lip service.

Eric had been deliberately rejecting God’s demands on his life. The severe indictment of Romans 1 against those who do not want to retain God in their knowledge was beginning to apply to him. Seeing this, he earnestly repented and asked God to change him.

Eric came around so fast that people doubted the genuineness of the change. This was another blow to him. But gradually he realized that this was a part of the test he had to go through in order to prove that the Eric Green who came back from near-death was thoroughly renewed by Jesus Christ.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

They started out their marriage on a shoestring. Bill had a bread route and worked long hours to make a meager living.

One of Bill’s customers was a fruit farmer. This man offered Bill the chance to find customers for his produce. Bill took up the challenge and managed to find a market for the whole summer’s production.

An idea began to take shape in Bill’s mind. Why not do the same thing for other farmers? Twelve years later, he had developed his idea into a vast wholesale produce business including a whole network of processing plants and warehouses.

The Stantons had not neglected their commitment to the Lord. Both were happily active in the church. Bill even served as a leader on a statewide level for their denomination.

Bill and Jan did a lot of entertaining in their beautiful home. Frequently they spent pleasant evenings around the pool or the fireplace with their guests. Many of their friends would turn to them for advice and counsel.

Bill’s business demanded much of his time. But Jan didn’t mind; she was busy with her family, her home, and her church work.

Skiing was one of their favorite pastimes. The family had many happy outings at a variety of ski resorts.

On one of these outings when Jan and the children went skiing, Jan had an accident and ended up with a badly broken leg. When Bill returned from a business trip two days later, he was shocked to learn that his wife was in the hospital.

Jan spent many weeks in the hospital with her leg in a cast. Bill dropped in to see her each day and in the evening. Both understood that his business demanded that he be away part of each week. The days in the hospital were long and lonesome. Jan began feeling blue. The doctor explained that this was normal for a healthy, busy woman.

Finally the cast was removed, only to find that the leg had not healed properly. Jan began having long periods of depression.

On occasion, after Jan came home, Bill would take the children to the ski slopes. Jan stayed behind, nursing her leg, and her depression. It was late spring before her leg was completely healed. But the sieges of depression hung on. Summer faded into fall, and still Jan would spend long days feeling sad, breaking into tears for no apparent reason. By now, the doctor informed her that her accident could not be considered as the reason for her misery.

When Bill heard this, he became impatient with Jan. ”Snap out of it. You have every reason to be content,” he told her one day.

The beautiful home and lovely wooded yard was no help. Jan lost interest in her church work. Long silences developed between her and Bill. He would find reasons for staying at the office or for being out of town.

There were tender moments when the Stantons could talk about their situation. They were embarrassed. For years they had prided themselves that they had such a happy marriage. Now their marriage was a sad one.

It seemed that there was no way out. Finally, they swallowed their pride and ended up in my office. They spent the first session telling me how happy they had been together.

We spent several more sessions talking about their problem. Our conversation centered around their happiness together. We were getting nowhere.

I asked Jan to come in without her husband. Both of them resisted this idea. They would work this out together, they said. There was nothing to hide.

We were at a standstill. I had nothing more to offer, and could see no reason for us to continue.

Several weeks later, Jan called. She was ready to see me without her husband. Once more she reviewed the happiness they had enjoyed.

As we closed the session, I asked Jan to look at a warning and a promise in the Bible: ”If we say we have fellowship with Him (God), and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not know the truth: but if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:6-7).

We turned to John 3:19. Here, I pointed out, Jesus says that men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil.

Jan had to admit her life was dark. She was gloomy. Something was wrong. We must look at the dark side.

She was crushed. There was no dark side, she insisted.

We prayed together. My prayer was that she would do as the Psalmist said: ”Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps. 139:23, 24).

As the two of them continued with the counseling process, the true picture became clear. Jan was an affectionate person and liked to show it. Bill was more distant. He preferred to sit across the room from her. As the business grew, he became increasingly preoccupied. Sometimes she found herself wondering if he loved her or his fruit. Her complaint festered and grew when she was in the hospital. There she really played second fiddle to the business. She was shocked at her attitude and tried desperately to cover it up rather than admit it.

Bill was also shocked. He thought of himself as a devoted, loving husband who provided the best for his family. But it was true; he was giving them everything but himself.

Bill was not glad to know about his wife’s true feelings. He resented her attitude. They quarreled about it. It seemed that the weeks of counseling only made matters worse. But quarreling did not brush away the truth. He was giving his business more and more of his time and energy, and giving his family less and less.

Proverbs 28:13 is true. “He that covers his sins shall not prosper: but whoever confesses and forsakes them shall have mercy.”

It’s always hard to admit the dark side of truth. But light drives away the darkness if you walk in it.

It was true. They did resent each other. He felt she did not appreciate his efforts. She felt neglected. Each felt the other was wrong. When the light dawned, and each of them was able to acknowledge their own sins repentantly, they were on the way to restored fellowship.

Repentance always leads to forgiveness and renewal of fellowship. It’s always been that way.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

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This twelve-year-old child, the oldest of six children, was faced with seeing the family broken up or assuming the responsibility of mother to her siblings. She assumed the responsibility and successfully managed to get through high school as well as take care of the family. Neighbors, teachers, church people, and the community helped. She kept the house and the children clean and neat, got everyone off to school, and made sure they went to church. Every Sunday the six of them marched down the aisle of the church, occupying the same pew. She received the admiration and affirmation of many for the fine, sacrificial job she did.

However, the girl deeply resented being placed in this position. She dreaded the dawning of every new day. This was her own little secret. She endured the task for seven years; then her father married again. She left home immediately, using the desire for higher education as the reason.

In her heart, she knew that she was laying down a task that she despised. The praise of people only served to make her miserable. She knew that this praise was undeserved, because she was hiding an intense hatred toward her father and her siblings. The deepest desire of her heart had always been to flee the task and be like other girls. Neither her speech nor her actions betrayed her secret. Her hatred for her brothers and sister spread to become hatred toward all children.

She married but refused to have children. Her husband could not understand. Her refusal had caused a deep rift in their marriage. At this point she decided that something must be done about her situation and she sought counseling.

Her story illustrates the emptiness, the misery, the loneliness of words and actions that are out of line with our desires and feelings. What looked like ministering to others was not what it appeared to be. This was not a labor of love; it was a labor of resentment and deceitfulness. Her life was a lie. When you compliment someone like that, you heap coals of fire on her head. For this woman a change of heart was a repentant prayer away.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”

You cannot cover your own sin. You must not only appear contented; you must also be contented. It is important that you be upright in heart and have a clear conscience.

This story is taken from Dr. Brandt’s book, “The Power of the Call.” The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

About six months before, Annebel’s family was on their way to a Saturday picnic. They had forgotten the picnic basket. She stayed at the park to reserve the picnic table while her husband and two children returned home for the basket. No one knows what happened. There were no witnesses. A train struck their car at a railroad crossing and all three were killed.

Her friend described Annebel as a happily married woman, a good wife and mother who attended church regularly. Both she and her husband were Sunday School teachers. This accident obviously was a shock to the church and the community. Annebel could not seem to get over the tragedy.

What could I do? A long list of professionals were unable to help. I told her friend that it would be necessary for Annebel to contact me personally.

Several days went by before she called. She wanted to know if she could bring a friend along for support. That seemed a reasonable enough request. But, on the spot, I decided that she should come alone. She refused, but I insisted. Several more days went by. She called and repeated her request. Again, I insisted on seeing her alone. She refused. I could not explain my position even to myself. She called a third time with the same request. I remained firm, but this time she was willing to come alone.

The first meeting was hard. It started out with Annebel interviewing me. Had I ever experienced the death of a close family member? No. Had I ever seen anyone as a counselee who lost a family in a moment? No. I appear unsympathetic. No comment. She is not sure I could understand. I am not sure either. I can only try. There was a long silence. What could I say?

A thought occurred to me. We are both Christians. I asked God for wisdom as we talked, assuming He would answer my prayer. I referred her to 2 Corinthians 1:2-5:

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

My counsel followed this line: “We worship a God of all comfort and consolation. I presume you are here to seek these. There is something blocking or preventing your receiving comfort and consolation from God. You are receiving sympathy and attention from people, but that is not helping. We must discover what is hindering you from receiving comfort from God. Perhaps I can help you find out. It will be necessary to search your heart. You must answer all my questions. If you wish to try this approach, I’m willing to do it. Don’t decide now. Go home and think and pray. Ask God to guide us. Call me if you want to continue.”

She called the same day, saying she was ready to search her heart.

Why would God not give her comfort and consolation? As I contemplated this question, I recalled Isaiah 59:1-2: “Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shorted, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear.”

When Annebel returned, she seemed eager to begin. I told her of my thoughts and read her that Bible verse. The effect was like lancing a boil. Out tumbled this story about the day the tragedy occurred:

It was a Saturday – a beautiful sunshiny day with a gentle breeze. She thought to herself that this was a perfect day to visit her parents. It would take ninety minutes to drive there along a scenic road, one of her favorite drives. She called her mother and made arrangements to stay for supper.

Meanwhile, her husband, who worked until noon, glanced out the window and noticed the same beautiful day – a perfect day for a picnic at their favorite park. Very pleased with this idea, he called his wife. She had already called her mother. He insisted on having a picnic, and told her to have the food ready when he came home. She was furious. When he arrived home, there was no picnic basket filled with food. They had a vicious shouting match that ended with her reluctantly calling her mother to say the visit was off. She dragged her feet in preparing food for the picnic. The children sided with their dad; they wanted a picnic in the park. He was becoming increasingly impatient with Annabel’s pokiness. The more he pressed, the more rebellious she felt. Finally she was finished and they took off – two very angry, disgusted adults. This kind of clash was nothing new. It was happening quite frequently lately.

When they arrived at the park, it was discovered that no one had put the picnic basket in the car. A nasty fight followed over whose fault it was. Thoroughly disgusted, her husband decided to go after the basket. The children decided to go along. She elected to stay with the picnic table. She sent them off with, “Good riddance!” She fumed furiously while she was alone. It seemed they were gone a long time – which disgusted her more than ever.

A police car came along. They were looking for her. There had been an accident. Her husband and two children were dead. You can imagine her response.

When she finished her story, she wept uncontrollably. I proposed that we end our session, but she wanted to continue. She hadn’t shared this story with anyone until now.

She convinced herself that she was a loving wife and mother, grieving over a beloved family. Now she had to run her story through the principles in Isaiah 59. What were her sins? I proposed that she tell me. There was a very long, tearful silence. She began to whisper:  self-seeking, rebellion, anger, deception, resentment.

Did she first discover this condition the day of the accident? No, this was a problem before she met her husband. She had become skilled at justifying such behavior, or blaming it on someone else.

Only God could help her. Repentance was the key. Repentance implies that I am wrong and sorry and willing to be cleansed and renewed. Was she willing? She buried her face in her hands and tearfully cried out to God. It was a holy scene. When she finished and looked up, she didn’t look like the same person. She claimed that she was at ease for the first time in years.

Before our meeting, she thought that admitting her condition would flood her with guilt. But now she feels washed and clean and relieved. It was the other way around – ignoring her sins produced misery and guilt. She was indeed a new person. What a miracle!

[This story is taken from Dr. Brandt’s book, “The Word for the Wise.” The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]

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He liked a pat on the back and, if praise was to be the reward, would dig for hours to come up with an obscure fact or figure. But if he felt someone was taking advantage of him, he put on his suit of armor:  “OK, Mr. Big, let’s just see if you can put one over on me.” He found satisfaction if someone esteemed by others was tripped up by an error.

Perry wanted people to like him, but resented having his routine broken. He preferred to live alone, talk on subjects of interest to him, give anyone the deep freeze that interrupted or contradicted him – but he was overwhelmed by loneliness.

I suggested that he was quite an artist. He had painted a perfect picture of selfishness and deception. However the picture was known not only to him and to me. In talking with some of his associates, I discovered that he had been unsuccessful in trying to hide his true feelings and attitudes. Everyone who knew Perry Black knew him as a fellow who served reluctantly and was impatient and self-centered.

Was it any wonder that he was left out? He had driven himself into a lonely corner. He wanted life served up to him on his own terms.

To be helped, Perry first had to face the truth about himself and admit that all his life he had denied what now was his own description of himself. Then, he had to recognize that to feel inadequate, guilty, and self-conscious was not the same as to repent. He needed to be saved–from all that was the old Perry Black.

He confessed his sin and asked Christ into his heart. The Bible became his guidebook for life. Proverbs 18:24, for example, took on meaning for him:  “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.” He found it was possible to “lose” his life yet “find” it.

The change did not come overnight. For months he fought the truth about himself. But today the Holy Spirit is the motivating power in his life, and he is enjoying the ”peaceable fruit of righteousness” of Hebrews 12:11 in his work and in his relationships with other people.

[The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]