The couple would plan to go to a Sunday school class party or a family gathering, but Marilyn would beg off at the last minute. She just wasn’t up to socializing. Charles would feel sorry for her, change the evening’s plans and stay home. After several weeks of staying home, he would become blue. Then she would feel guilty for causing him to give up his social life and she would start going out. But he knew she was doing it just for him, so he would feel guilty and stay home more. It was a vicious circle, actually a battle of wills, his versus hers.

At her first appointment, nothing in the world seemed good to Marilyn. I remarked that she was a miserable woman.

“Oh, I’m a Christian,” she replied. “And I’ve got a nice husband, a good home, and a fine church. I suppose I should be happy.”

“No,” I assured her. “It’s your choice to be miserable in spite of all the good things in your life.”

Over a three-month period, Marilyn slowly disclosed how she was gradually withdrawing from life. The home she was raised in had been one of constant distress; she always seemed to be in the middle of combative parents. She learned it was easier to duck than to take the chance of getting hurt. This protective attitude had carried over into her married life. Now it was simpler to stay home rather than risk being hurt.

One day, Marilyn decided to stop ducking. She said she was going to ask God for help to accept her husband’s social life.

For three months, she was a happy Christian. Then she came back, depressed again.

I helped her see that she was depressed because she changed her mind about wanting to venture out. Again, she cast her burden on the Lord and went away rejoicing. But after awhile she returned, defeated as before.

Her moods continually alternate. She knows how to turn her troubles over to the Lord, and she has proved that it works. But I am afraid that she hasn’t yet taken to heart Jesus’ words in John 15:4, “Abide in me.” Hers is not a daily walk with the Lord. Alternately she casts her burdens on the Lord and takes them upon herself. She empties them out and then slowly collects them again.

To “abide” is to enjoy Christ’s victory over self. We must consistently depend on God in order to consistently experience Him. He can and will live in us if we allow His Spirit to work in us.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

The gentleman speaking was a college graduate and successful in business. He went on, “It started when we moved to an apartment. The people below us and beside us were noisy. We could hear their radios. They would drop things. Often another car was in my parking space. Finally, I insisted on moving to our own home. My wife wasn’t bothered at all by these things and she resisted our moving back to a home of our own, so now there is a wall building between us.

“I used to enjoy people. Now I even feel anxious about going out for dinner.”

It is a helpless feeling for a successful businessman to be tormented by vague fears that seemingly have no origin.

We turned together to the Bible to see if there was some help for him. There we found a verse that threw some light on his problem: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that has fear is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18).

His problem was not vague, after all. He was an irritable man. His reactions to his neighbors, to his wife, to the man in the parking lot were hostile. Even though he was well educated and successful, his heart was not filled with love. In his effort to ignore his feelings of irritation and anger, he became anxious and convinced himself that his anxiety was caused by being in crowds. Then he became fearful of being in the presence of any people. The more he thought about this, the more fearful he became.

”Do you mean that my problem is not fear, but a lack of love?” he asked. He couldn’t accept this idea. He had always thought of himself as a friendly, congenial person. He left our meeting unbelieving and crushed.

We continued to talk for many weeks. Gradually, he acknowledged that he was an irritable person. He began to realize that there was nothing to fear in the midst of people. Repentantly, he asked the Lord to forgive him and to change his heart. The grace of God and His love took away the fear of saying or doing something that would embarrass him because of his irritations.

[The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]