The couple would plan to go to a Sunday school class party or a family gathering, but Marilyn would beg off at the last minute. She just wasn’t up to socializing. Charles would feel sorry for her, change the evening’s plans and stay home. After several weeks of staying home, he would become blue. Then she would feel guilty for causing him to give up his social life and she would start going out. But he knew she was doing it just for him, so he would feel guilty and stay home more. It was a vicious circle, actually a battle of wills, his versus hers.

At her first appointment, nothing in the world seemed good to Marilyn. I remarked that she was a miserable woman.

“Oh, I’m a Christian,” she replied. “And I’ve got a nice husband, a good home, and a fine church. I suppose I should be happy.”

“No,” I assured her. “It’s your choice to be miserable in spite of all the good things in your life.”

Over a three-month period, Marilyn slowly disclosed how she was gradually withdrawing from life. The home she was raised in had been one of constant distress; she always seemed to be in the middle of combative parents. She learned it was easier to duck than to take the chance of getting hurt. This protective attitude had carried over into her married life. Now it was simpler to stay home rather than risk being hurt.

One day, Marilyn decided to stop ducking. She said she was going to ask God for help to accept her husband’s social life.

For three months, she was a happy Christian. Then she came back, depressed again.

I helped her see that she was depressed because she changed her mind about wanting to venture out. Again, she cast her burden on the Lord and went away rejoicing. But after awhile she returned, defeated as before.

Her moods continually alternate. She knows how to turn her troubles over to the Lord, and she has proved that it works. But I am afraid that she hasn’t yet taken to heart Jesus’ words in John 15:4, “Abide in me.” Hers is not a daily walk with the Lord. Alternately she casts her burdens on the Lord and takes them upon herself. She empties them out and then slowly collects them again.

To “abide” is to enjoy Christ’s victory over self. We must consistently depend on God in order to consistently experience Him. He can and will live in us if we allow His Spirit to work in us.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

When you speak or act in a way that you know in your heart to be wrong, you pay with your emotions. You chip away at your own self-respect. But one of the most important principles that you can apply to your life is that your mental health is in your control. YOU are the one who must CHOOSE how to respond to individuals and situations in your life that are less than perfect.

You might say, “If only this person would change, then all these wonderfully warm friendly qualities would be released in me.” Not so. Nobody can cause you to be angry, stubborn, immovable, inflexible, and easily irritable. Your behavior is determined by your spirit, and your spirit involves you and God. It’s a unique relationship. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

Romans 13:1-2 says “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers for there is no power but of God and the powers that are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resists the power resists the ordinance of God, and they that resist shall receive unto themselves damnation” (KJV). The NIV puts it in a gentler way:  “will bring judgment on themselves.” You see, your behavior makes a difference to you.

Don’t allow yourself to drift away from allowing the Lord to fill your heart with His Spirit day by day. Nobody can stop you from calling on God to fill you with His love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, and patience. Do what you’re doing and saying in His Name, as though He were right there with you. Let Him help you feel the relief of walking through life with a thankful spirit.

Philippians 2:2-4 tells us to “let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than themselves” (KJV).

Becoming preoccupied with the negative qualities of anyone or anything in your life causes you to lose sight of good things. The Creator of the universe laid down His life for you. He has chosen to put the emphasis on your spiritual life. He has chosen to give you of His Spirit, and to make your burden light. He gives you the ability to honor him in all that you do and say.

Take a step . . .
Are you presently holding on to a heavy burden? Open your heart to God’s Spirit and let Him fill your life with joy, peace, love, kindness, and gentleness. Take a moment to pray this prayer:

Lord, help me to be conscious of the fact that You have something to say about the way I interact with people and situations in my life. Help me to be more aware of my response to the tasks that are given to me and how I interact with people. Today I choose to commit what I do and say to You, looking to You for that spirit of joy that you died to give me, doing it in Your Name. Help me to remember I do this with You by my side. In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen.

Read Colossians 3:17, Romans 13:1-2, and Philippians 2:2-4.

This is a summary of Dr. Brandt’s message Biblical Behavior.

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• hatred
• self-centeredness
• resentment
• ambition
• rage
• envy
• frustration
• jealousy
• love need
• sorrow
• shame
• fear

Take a look at some Bible verses that describe the same responses as violations of God’s commandments and therefore, when they exist within, this condition chips away at your self-respect and self-love. Modern-day research has only confirmed what this ancient book has described centuries ago:

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; fret not yourself, it leads only to evil doing (Psalm 37:8-9). A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones (Proverbs 14:30). Let up not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another (Galatians 5:26). For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing (James 3:16).

Even the simple details of life will stimulate such reactions if they are within us. Why must we find a way to eliminate them? Because they are intolerable, too unpleasant to live with, and the bodily changes that go along with them are too painful and uncomfortable to ignore. We are forced to find relief, peace and quiet. When speaking to His disciples, Jesus once said, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives…” (John 14:27). Jesus said that in this world we can find peace, but He made it clear that it’s not His peace. In this world we can find release from anxiety in mind and body. There are many avenues we try to follow in order to experience peace:  sports of many types, study courses of every kind, books, music, entertainment, hobbies, work, education, relationships, private therapy and group therapy, prescription and non-prescription drugs, and even church activities. Many individuals seek peace by living it up, asserting their independence, doing their own thing, discovering themselves. What a fascinating list of ways to deal with today’s anxieties. Yes, it’s a great world, with endless ways to find peace. However, we can use any one of these things to run away from our problems. King Solomon, who is described in the Bible as the wisest and richest of men, wrote of his efforts to taste of everything life has to offer. He sampled wisdom, mirth and pleasure, wine and folly; he built houses, vineyards, orchards and gardens. He had servants and maidens, silver and gold. The Book of Ecclesiastes contains twelve chapters describing his quest. He concluded:

“Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 2:11).

Sooner or later, all our efforts to find peace from this world turn to ashes. When we slow down or are trapped by circumstances and people, the anxiety, tension, restlessness, and frustration return. The activities available to us can help relieve the effects of unpleasant feelings and negative emotions, but can’t remove them. There is a deeper kind of peace than the kind that simply relieves body and mind. It comes when you yield yourself to God and let His peace invade your soul. Jesus said:

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:28-29). These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full (John 15:11). These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world (John 16:33).

The apostle Paul, too, points us to God’s peace:

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13). Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your heads and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7). Strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously (Colossians 1:11).

This is an excerpt of chapter 7  from Dr. Brandt’s book, I Want Happiness Now!, currently available as an e-book.

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In John 14:16, Jesus said to His disciples “I will pray to My Father about you … ”

Can you imagine God and Jesus talking about you?

And then Jesus finishes his sentence with, “I am going to send you another Comforter.”

This is a restless age. We live in a world where people are under stress, tense, worried, and disturbed. But we have a Comforter! Jesus told us that He wants us to turn to Him for comfort. He wants to be the one to comfort us, so we should not seek our comfort from the world.

What is presently disturbing your peace? The truth is, something outside of you can change something inside of you. You have an emotional reaction to a circumstance in your life. When something happens you dislike, your heart beats a little faster, your hands get sweatier, your mind starts moving, your emotions start racing, and your muscles start tensing. That’s a warning!

Mixed up with these bodily changes are emotional changes: anger, bitterness, resentment, hate, rebellion, deception, and ill will. You now are experiencing a condition you must do something about, because you can’t exist like this!

When you are experiencing these ugly emotions, the Bible calls it the “works of the flesh,” or “sin.”

There isn’t any thing or any person in the world that can really help you when you are sinning. They may be able to calm you down, or prescribe medication, or give you some way of managing your circumstances. But the sin remains.

You need to repent of your sins. That repentance comes only through the power of God. It involves a transaction between you and God. You must enter into His presence. We are told in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

The Lord won’t ever turn you away! He’s there anytime you want to call on Him. So come to God and repent of your sin. It involves five steps:

1. “I’m wrong and I have sinned.”

2. “I’m sorry.”

3. “Please forgive me.”

4. “Cleanse me.”

5. “Lord, empower me.”

Repentance involves a dependence on the Lord for the rest of your life. It is a wonderful gift you have been given, and to accept that gift will keep you from repeating your sin.

Take a step . . .

Is there something in your life that you are struggling with? Does it involve sin? Take a few moments to talk with God using the five steps outlined above. Be specific.

You may want to put it into a prayer, something like this:

“Lord, I’m sorry for (be specific and name your sin). Please forgive me and cleanse me and restore Your joy and love and peace to my heart. For not only have I sinned, but unless You help me, I’m going to keep on doing it, and I don’t want that. I want Your way in my life. In Jesus precious Name, I come. Amen.”

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s message Benefits of Repentance.

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Another malady that plagues many people is fear. Some psychologists maintain that the causes of anger and the causes of fear are identical. In the case of anger, something has already happened. In the case of fear, there is the prospect that something will happen. This view makes these Bible verses come alive: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18)

These are emotions that are in us. Once we accept the fact that the wrath or fear or guilt is in us, we can deal with it. And that is the good news for everyone filled with anger and malice and bitterness. The people in your life may never change their ways.

Circumstances may be beyond your control. But fortunately you can do something about yourself. You can open your heart to God, who is able to fill it with bountiful grace. But whether you allow God to give you His grace is your decision.

Strangely, most persons who seek counsel will argue that they have the right to be angry. “Under my circumstances, can you blame me?” they will say in stout defense. Of course they have the right to be angry, but as long as they argue in defense of their wrath, they will see no need nor have any desire to change and thus be delivered from the unhappiness of anger.

But to say, “I am like that,” is going only halfway. Admission leads nowhere unless it implies a desire to change. It must mean that the mother sincerely wants help with her temper and the young people with their conduct, and that they turn to God for help.

How precise 1 John 1:9 is on this point: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The person who confesses this way–having faith that God is able and willing to help them and having a desire for God’s help–is well on the way to peace. The person who admits, “I’m like that,” but does nothing about changing, will not find genuine inner peace. Nor will the person who denies responsibility for the wrong they know they have done.

Most people cause their own misery. Their guilt is not imaginary, but real. An inward look and a backward look can give the reasons and point the way to peace of mind. Yet such self-views are not easy to achieve. We tend to flee from the truth about ourselves: “Men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil” (John 3:19).

When an individual discovers hatred in their heart, they usually find other disorders as well. Their personality may resemble an iceberg. Perhaps only jealousy shows, or envy, or temper. But submerged are other disastrous emotions that deny them peace. And one emotion can hardly be dealt with singly; every emotion must be exposed to the light.

This is an excerpt of chapter 4 from Dr. Brandt’s book, The Struggle for Inner Peace, currently available as an e-book.

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