“Three years ago I was bedridden. I had a half-dozen things wrong with my body. I just lay in my room, disgusted with God that He should allow such misery to come to one who had served Him as I had. My only consolation was the radio. One day your counseling program came on. You spoke about the importance of forgiving those who had wronged us. You quoted Matthew 6:15, ‘But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ ‘Of course,’ I said to myself, ‘he’s no doubt young and healthy and has everything going for him. Nothing ever happened to him like it has to me. It’s easy for him to forgive.’ The following week, I was determined not to listen to you, but I did. You said that unforgiveness can cause misery for the one who refuses to forgive. You quoted from James 3:14 and 16, ‘But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not … for where envying and strife is there is confusion and every evil work.’ I yelled at my wife to turn that radio off. In the silence that followed, those words continued to resound in my soul. I have never experienced such anguish. When it came time for your program the next week, somehow I couldn’t keep the radio off. That time your Scripture was Isaiah 32:17, ‘And the work of righteousness will be peace; and the effect of righteousness will be quietness and assurance forever.’ I was a wretched man, but a thoughtful one, when you finished speaking that day. ‘What he says is from the Lord,’ I told myself. ‘The strife and confusion that he spoke about certainly describes me – and I have no peace or quietness, so where is my righteousness?’

I have a son and daughter, both married. Their two families entered business together, but by dishonest means one family wrestled the business from the other. Bitterness flared in my heart toward the guilty pair. I said I could never forgive the evil deeds that brought so much turmoil to my home. But there on my sickbed after the third broadcast, I began to see that by refusing to forgive, I was hurting only myself. I cried out to God to forgive me. In my heart, I forgave my children. I committed the whole matter to God. Eventually, the wrong was made right, but it wasn’t this happy development that brought me health again. My crippling ailments disappeared when my bitterness was taken away. That is what forgiveness did in my life.”

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Embarrassing practical jokes, jibes at his youthfulness, and little grins that came to faces because he was the school’s first male music teacher—all this teasing kept up. Word got back to him some of the students and parents were saying he wouldn’t dare subject his piano-playing hands to a real man’s work.

One Friday night, he drove a busload of church kids to a weekend retreat. Three girls sitting near him began to tease him. ”What will your mother say if you get calluses on your hands?” one asked mischievously.

That did it. Fred Baker stopped the bus. In white-hot temper, he lectured the girl for five minutes in front of the other students. He ranted and raved about every injustice he felt he endured from his students. The girl just happened to be the daughter of a school-board member, so it didn’t take Fred long to realize the seriousness of what he had done.

He came to see me during the winter break. Why, he asked, had he exploded? A little more, he said, and he might have hit her.

I encouraged him to sort out his feelings toward himself as well as others. Upon some reflection, he found he had a sense of personal inadequacy. It upset him that some people looked disapprovingly at music as a way for a man to make a living, and because of it, he sometimes had doubts of his manliness. He seemed to show this uncertainty in his performance, and so people did not enjoy his music.

Along with the difficulty of accepting his life work, he was annoyed by people. If the choir did not respond to his direction, or if the young people were disorderly, he got angry. However, he struggled to swallow the jibes and keep his gripes to himself. But swallowing disagreeable situations is not a palatable diet; it made him a surly, scolding, defensive young man, and this spurred on his tormentors.

I had to help him realize his uncertainty over his choice of work. We weighed the pros and cons of music and looked at musicians whom he admired, and he saw that music was an honorable profession. Then it became a matter of committing his work to the Lord so his thoughts concerning it could be established (Proverbs 16:3). He went back to finish the term with a new confidence and optimism. Instead of swallowing the jibes and stewing, he let them bounce off. The teasing diminished and, to his surprise, soon died out.

After Fred began to accept himself for what he was, it became easier for him to accept others. Slowly the relationships with his students and the people at church turned into mutual appreciation. At the end of the semester, he and the school board happily signed a new contract.

[The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]

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Ken quit school in the tenth grade to work as a messenger boy in the office of a big factory. He was determined to do better than his dad and to provide properly for his family.

He met Megan, and they seemed meant for each other. He was 19 years old and she was 18 when they were married. They both worked hard to furnish a little apartment.

A few months later, Ken went off to war, and three lonely years went by. Ken came back and found Megan waiting for him in their lovely apartment. It was easy to resume their life together.

Megan had come from a close-knit, happy family. Stability and dependability were taken for granted in her life. The war years were good to Ken in that he had learned to be a machinist in the navy. He got a skilled job in the factory where he had worked before the war. Ken did just what he said he would do—provide a proper home for his family.

Ken became foreman of a large milling machine department, responsible for the supervision of more than 100 men. He had 17 years seniority, a good pension plan, prospects for promotion, a home on one of the nicer streets in town, membership in a good church, and a host of Christian friends. Then it happened. His company was having trouble in sales. His department was cut to 15 men. But his boss assured Ken that his job was safe.

Then one day, the boss called Ken into his office and said, “Ken, things don’t look good. In order to economize, we must combine two departments. You still can have a job here if you want to go back to running a machine.”

What a blow! Megan came to the rescue and emphasized that this was not a matter of Ken’s doing a poor job. With her encouragement, he regained his balance and worked hard again at the machine.

Then came another blow: the plant went bankrupt. Along with it went Ken’s job, his seniority, and his pension plan.

Ken was stunned. As he sat in my office, he was a picture of complete dejection. His wife met with me previously and shared their story. She had persuaded him to come, but he had no desire to talk. He was a tough man, and it was pathetic to see an occasional tear run down his cheek.

Since he wouldn’t talk, I asked his wife to join us and I said to both of them, “Let me give you something to think about. You are Christians. You love God and His Word. Consider this in His Word, “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things'” (Philippians 4:8). Then I read part of the story of Jonah to them; the part where Jonah was mad at God.

“That’s easy for you, sitting behind that desk,” Ken retorted when I had finished.

I could say little more to him, but when Ken came for his next appointment, he was a changed man. “I don’t need to see you anymore! You were right. I was good and mad at God, just like Jonah. I have asked God to forgive me and show me the next step. I know He will. What a relief to renew my trust in Him.”

We parted on this note: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil” (Proverbs 3:5-7).

A devoted, dedicated wife, and a sure faith in God led Ken out of his dilemma.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

This twelve-year-old child, the oldest of six children, was faced with seeing the family broken up or assuming the responsibility of mother to her siblings. She assumed the responsibility and successfully managed to get through high school as well as take care of the family. Neighbors, teachers, church people, and the community helped. She kept the house and the children clean and neat, got everyone off to school, and made sure they went to church. Every Sunday the six of them marched down the aisle of the church, occupying the same pew. She received the admiration and affirmation of many for the fine, sacrificial job she did.

However, the girl deeply resented being placed in this position. She dreaded the dawning of every new day. This was her own little secret. She endured the task for seven years; then her father married again. She left home immediately, using the desire for higher education as the reason.

In her heart, she knew that she was laying down a task that she despised. The praise of people only served to make her miserable. She knew that this praise was undeserved, because she was hiding an intense hatred toward her father and her siblings. The deepest desire of her heart had always been to flee the task and be like other girls. Neither her speech nor her actions betrayed her secret. Her hatred for her brothers and sister spread to become hatred toward all children.

She married but refused to have children. Her husband could not understand. Her refusal had caused a deep rift in their marriage. At this point she decided that something must be done about her situation and she sought counseling.

Her story illustrates the emptiness, the misery, the loneliness of words and actions that are out of line with our desires and feelings. What looked like ministering to others was not what it appeared to be. This was not a labor of love; it was a labor of resentment and deceitfulness. Her life was a lie. When you compliment someone like that, you heap coals of fire on her head. For this woman a change of heart was a repentant prayer away.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”

You cannot cover your own sin. You must not only appear contented; you must also be contented. It is important that you be upright in heart and have a clear conscience.

This story is taken from Dr. Brandt’s book, “The Power of the Call.” The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

That statement caught my attention. What kind of memories? Isn’t it good to have happy memories? Is it possible that there are unhappy memories that crowd out the happy ones? I encouraged her to recall some unhappy memories toward the people who caused the accident that killed her husband.

She took me by surprise. Yes, there were unhappy memories. They centered around that motorcycle. She did not want him to buy it. In the first place, it was a strain on the budget. They could not afford a powerful motorcycle and a decent car–so they drove a ten-year-old car. They would go for long motorcycle rides in the evenings. He was a bit reckless, cutting in and out, going too fast. She hated those rides. He loved them. He insisted on riding the motorcycle to church. She despised showing up at church with her helmet and messed-up hair.

One night he proposed that they go for a ride. It was an ideal evening. She did not want to go. The discussion became heated, but she stood her ground. He went for a ride alone. A car went through a stop sign and hit him broadside. He died on the pavement.

How does she feel when she talks about this? It makes her mad. He left her with an old car, house payments, and even motorcycle payments. He was underinsured, which left her to pay off some debts. She hates writing those checks. If only he had listened to her, it would not have happened. Her thoughts are usually disapproval of his choices. She resents the position he left her in. Over and over, she reviews her grudge against him.

I could see another problem. But when to speak and when to wait is often difficult to discern. The Bible says, “Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).

My heart went out to her. Was she ready for my opinion? What does she think I will say? She thinks I will tell her to quit resenting her husband. But she tells herself that she is entitled to resent him. I agree. Her husband left her in a mess. She can nurse her grudge against her husband as long as she wishes. But she must realize that she is punishing herself. As long as she holds her grudge, her life is anchored in the past. Over and over again she relives the agony of that day and nurses her resentment. She can be released from this bondage only if she is ready to let it go.

Jesus instructs us to forgive men their trespasses (Matthew 6:14) and to love one another (John 13:34), so I finally said, “One option you have is to forgive your husband, repent of your resentment, let the Lord forgive you, and then ask him to fill your heart with love.”

She was ready for that opportunity. I observed a miracle as she released her grudge, asked for forgiveness, and received the love of God in her heart. Immediately she was released from her burden, and now she is free.

Amy’s experience illustrates what happens when two problems coexist. One can overshadow the other. It seems reasonable that the tragic death of her husband would explain her misery. In this case however, it was the resentment that held the sting.

[This story is taken from Dr. Brandt’s book, The Word for the Wise. The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]

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