Later that day I recalled the incident. It dawned on me that when that car swerved in front of me, I had to make a split-second decision to either walk in the Spirit or in the flesh. That I responded peacefully with a kind attitude toward that driver was a miracle. I could recall similar instances when, in a split second, I was transformed into an angry man with my heart pounding, my body alert, and a stream of nasty words tumbling out of my mouth.

We make many such split-second decisions every day. Without our noticing, other people make choices that affect us and force us into making a decision. We have no control of the incidents around us, but we do determine whether to yield to the Spirit or to the flesh.

When I note that I yield to the Spirit instead of the flesh, I do so with a sense of grateful relief. How positively wonderful it is to know that I no longer need to manage myself by myself! Now I can let God do it – per His request. Take it to the Lord in prayer; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

The Bible tells us, “For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).

Consistent living is a matter of recognizing your own personal inability to produce the kind of spirit that you want, no matter how intense your desire. It involves receiving and yielding to the Spirit of Christ.

This story is taken from Dr. Brandt’s book, “Breaking Free From the Bondage of Sin.” The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Maybe you struggle with some of these emotions, feeling you have a right to them because of how you’ve been treated. But Ephesians goes on to say, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”

Now being kind and forgiving someone is extremely difficult when your feelings aren’t so loving! However, at some point, even though you may not want to, you decide to try to love the one who has mistreated you. To your surprise, you discover that it doesn’t work! You can control what you say, the way you look at them, and the way you behave, but you can’t control your feelings. Why is that?

2 Corinthians 3:5-6 gives us an answer: “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the Spirit, for the letter killeth, but the Spirit giveth life.” So yes, you can possibly control your behavior, and the way you talk, but you can’t control your spirit. The Christian life isn’t a matter of self-improvement, or will power, or determination, it’s a matter of a changed heart, and only God can change your heart!

Ask God to change your heart!

Take a step . . .
Ask God in prayer to show you the real condition of your heart. Admit to Him your wrong emotions, desires, and selfishness. Tell Him you’re sorry and ask Him to forgive and cleanse you. Ask Him to help you to submit to Him and to fill your heart with kindness, tenderheartedness, forgiveness, and love.

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s message entitled Marriage.

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There are a few basic principles that can help us to get past our self-centeredness.

First, we need to be committed to following Biblical principles as our guide for living. Second, we need to consciously act on our commitment. Here are two verses that give us some guidance:

Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ (Ephesians 5:21). The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way (Proverbs 8:13).

If you put these verses together, they simply mean that those who “fear Christ” are not two cringing, fearful people, but rather two individuals who want to clear away any evil, pride, or arrogance that is revealed between them and figure out a mutually agreeable way to get along.

Knowing that our hearts are deceitful, and knowing that God will search our hearts and test our minds, it is only logical to continuously submit our choices to the test. But how? The psalmist gives a clue:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way (Psalm 139:23-24).

James says it also:

But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was (James 1:22-24).

You can know your heart, if you allow the Lord to show you yourself reflected in His Word. On the basis of what you see, you can act on His instructions:

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the LORD, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon (Isaiah 55:7).

The apostle John points the way to a carefree life:

Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and in truth. We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him, in whatever our heart condemns us: for God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight (1 John 3:18-22).

The Bible gives some guidelines for making choices:

1. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Jesus said:

“And just as you want men to treat you, treat them in the same way” (Luke 6:31).

2. Be a leader.

The apostle Paul says:

“The things which you have learned and received and heard and seen in Me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you” (Philippians 4:9).

3. Thankfully make choices as though the Lord were beside you.

The apostle Paul says:

“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).

4. Carry out your choices heartily, and desire to please God.

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men; knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve (Colossians 3:23-24).

All of us have no choice about many of the duties we must perform. Everyone can ask God for a hearty spirit toward the task if he wants to. How wonderful to enjoy what you are doing–to do it heartily–to do it as an act of worship!

Everyone, every day, faces a multitude of choices. Your sense of self-respect, of loving yourself, depends upon making those choices within the framework of commandments you choose to follow.

Finally, consider these words:

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

This is an excerpt of chapter 5 from Dr. Brandt’s book, I Want Happiness Now!

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]]> https://biblicalcounselinginsights.com/blog/biblical-mental-health/how-can-i-change-the-way-i-talk/ Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:25:37 +0000 http://biblicalcounselinginsights.com/blog/?p=512 How would you describe the way you talk? Are your words positive, constructive, comforting, supportive, and uplifting? Or are the words that come out of your mouth most often cutting, negative, and hurtful?

According to Proverbs 15:4 (KJV), “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness there in is a breech in the spirit.” What does it mean to have a “wholesome” tongue? A tongue that speaks good of people and situations. A tongue that builds up people (yourself and others). A tongue that is gentle. A tongue that is kind. A tongue that builds others up.

Psalm 34:13-14(NIV) says, “Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.”

The Bible makes it very clear in Matthew 12:36 (NIV) that we need to be careful about the things that we say: “I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

We all need to give a little more thought to what we say before we say it. “Biblical speech” involves applying God’s Word to our lives daily. It means we allow the principles of scripture to influence our words and how we use them. It means we build people up, we use words of challenge in loving ways, we use words of grace.

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) gives good advice:  “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” Griping, grumbling, or complaining often don’t accomplish anything. And engaging in this kind of talk can also make you feel awful.

Titus 3:2 (NIV) instructs us “to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.”

According to God’s Word, our behavior and our words should reflect our devotion to God. We need to pay attention to the way we conduct ourselves! Our words impact our lives, the lives of others, and our relationship with God. Commit yourself to studying God’s Word and applying His principles to your speech.

Take a step . . .

Memorize Psalm 19:14 (NIV): “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

This is a summary from Dr. Brandt’s message Biblical Speech.

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How does a child get his own way? A child will resort to tears, screams, temper tantrums, or sulking to get his way. He will break things, fight, throw up, refuse to eat, or become generally hard to manage. He finds that such methods work amazingly well in getting what he wants. Because of past successes, he is reluctant to give up his tried and proven means to an end.

But, as he grows, he learns that his childish techniques must be abandoned or at least restrained; he learns that other people have rights that must be respected. He discovers that to live happily, he must accept the fact that he cannot always satisfy his wants and desires. He learns, for example, that honor, respect, praise, and love come not from demand or by force but because they are earned by work, honest effort, and continuous adjustment to changing circumstances.

The person who progresses steadily from childhood into adulthood shifts gradually and quite normally with the situations of life. Sometimes, however, a person will meet rebuffs, disappointments, failure, or tragedy with regressive behavior.

Sometimes regressive behavior works, sometimes it doesn’t. But even when it succeeds in achieving an objective, it leaves the one who uses it with at least a vague disappointment in himself.

Many of the unhappy people who seek the help of a counselor are getting all they want, but they wake up to the fact that they are out on a limb alone thanks to their childish behavior. Other people avoid or ignore them. Some put up with them for the sake of politeness, or because they have something to gain for their tolerance.

Getting your own way by hysteria, by bullying, by vengeful silence, by cleverness and scheming does not give you contentment. Yet how often we attempt to get our own way by any means we think will work.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and personnel directors all agree that regressive behavior is a hindrance to wholesome relationships and a sense of self-respect. The Bible summarizes regression and its antidote in Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice” (v. 31). Clearly this is a description of childish behavior with its excessive emotions and careless, hurtful expression.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you” (v. 32). This is an obvious description of a Christian who is “grown-up.”

Most people who seek counseling say they want to be mature. They want to earn the honor, the admiration, the respect, and the faith of others. Not all, however, are willing to recognize that to become such a person is to exercise reasonable self-control. Some are slow to learn the means of avoiding regression to childish behavior.

The Apostle Paul charted the route to maturity in writing to the Colossians. He told the Christians of that city to “put off” anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication, and not to “lie to one another” (Colossians 3:8-9). In place of such behavior, he instructed them to “put on” mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering, forbearance, and forgiveness (3:12-13).

“But above all these things,” Paul continued, “put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful” (3:14-15).

This information is an excerpt of Chapter 6, “Other Faulty Patterns,” from Dr. Brandt’s book The Struggle for Inner Peace currently available as an e-book.

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