You cannot decide to be angry. You can take elaborate precautions to avoid being angry. But, alas, sooner or later, anger underneath your skin is triggered by a memory, someone’s behavior, a conversation, a phone call, or a letter. It can cause your heart to beat faster, make you sweat, tense up your muscles, foul up your digestive system, alter the way you think, dictate how you act, and trigger negative words from your mouth.

There seems to be universal agreement that anger must be tamed. Yet there is vast disagreement over the cause and the cure.

I have been aware of anger within me as far back as I can remember. Usually I could ignore it, express it safely to people like my parents, swallow it, or work it off in various activities like tennis or basketball.

The first time that I was conscious that I could not manage my anger occurred in my late twenties. At that time, I had a boss who kept me riled up most of the day, a wife who persisted in frustrating me by doing things her way rather than my way, and a tiny toddler who irritated me constantly by simply wanting my attention when I didn’t want to give it. These three people backed me into a corner. They didn’t even know it.

They forced me to face up to the fact that there was something in me that was activated by them and turned me into a person who said things I was sorry for, did things that I regretted, thought things that frightened me, and caused my body (heart, stomach, and muscles) to malfunction.

The solution came for me when I was convinced that I was helpless and needed to be saved from myself. The Bible described my condition exactly: “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it” (Romans 7:20).

This sentence sums up what almost everyone says when they come to counseling with an anger problem: “My anger is a normal and justifiable response to the way I was treated.”

No one inquires about the possibility of anger being a sin in his or her heart. That word has almost disappeared from their vocabulary. These people seek relief from restlessness, nervousness or anxiety. Their buzzwords are “stressed out” or “burned out.” They are disturbed about their relationships with their spouses, children, other family members, social contacts or people at work or church. People admit anger reluctantly. If they do admit it, they are quick to justify it.

Individuals do come to seek advice when they are the recipients of someone else’s anger. For example, a wife will talk to me about her husband: “When in a good mood, Ted is a pleasant person to be around, but if you catch him when he’s mad–look out. I can tell his mood by the way he shuts the door. If he nearly breaks the window in slamming it, I brace myself for his first gripe.”

And come it will, followed by other complaints. “Why don’t you make those kids keep their bicycles out of the driveway?” “Turn off that TV. There’s racket enough around here without that thing adding to it!” “Women drivers! They should it be kept off the highways after 3:00 in the afternoon!”

It is my observation that almost everyone resists calling any kind of anger “sin.” Multitudes of people (including me) have faced up to problems such as drinking, swearing, or stealing as sin and now it’s behind us. It’s been dealt with.

Dealing with anger is different. You can be completely and totally repentant over your anger. Confession leads to welcome relief from tension. I suspect that most people experience some anger every week. You think you have dealt with it, and it shows up again.

I have observed that one difficulty in dealing with anger is the wide range of intensity with which it can be expressed. On the one end, there is such extreme anger that it leads to violent physical abuse or even murder. We have no difficulty recognizing such anger as sin. But, on the other end of the continuum, is anger that is so mild as to be almost unnoticeable. This “annoyance level” of anger is easy to ignore; for example, mild frustration at a child who won’t make his bed, at a nearly empty gas tank in the car, at a traffic light, or at an impolite clerk.

You can compare anger to the flow of contaminated water into a tub. A wide-open faucet yields the same kind of water as a dripping faucet. One drop at a time will gradually fill a tub if the drain hole is plugged. It may take weeks to fill the tub with contaminated water, but eventually there will come a time when one more drop will make the water spill over the top. All that water came from the same polluted source.

Extreme anger is easy to recognize and impossible to ignore. The body pumps adrenaline into the bloodstream, causing the heartbeat to accelerate, the blood pressure to rise, the mouth to become dry, the muscles to become tense, the mental faculties to become alert, and the emotions to become disturbed.

A drop of anger is not as easy to recognize. To put it another way, it is easy to ignore. Bodily changes are hardly noticeable, but the effects are cumulative. The symptoms are anxiety, restlessness or tension. These drops of anger build up in the body. Eventually, one more incident (major or minor), and anger spills over the top. I listen to people who are puzzled over certain responses that surprise themselves:

“I heard myself screaming at the children to come into the house.”

“I was so mad I actually hit her. It was over which tie I should wear.”

“He lives a thousand miles away. At times, when someone mentions his name, I am fully consumed with anger in a matter of seconds.”

What Biblical advice is there about the management of anger? Take a look:

For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:20)

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. (Ephesians 4:31)

It seems clear to me that the Bible is telling us that God expects us to tackle the problems around us with His love in our hearts.

Read on:

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. (Ephesians 5:25)

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king. (1 Peter 2:17)

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35, 38-39)

The difficulty seems to be:  How can a human being, who naturally responds angrily to the circumstances of life, change from responding in anger to responding in love? Humanly speaking, we must admit that this Biblical advice is impossible to attain.

We all know that to bottle up or swallow our anger is not the solution. Bottled-up anger can ruin your health and twist your thinking. When we suppress our anger, it often simply flows out of us upon one more provocation – often in an explosive way.

The Bible offers a radical solution. The solution to our anger is humanly impossible. We need supernatural help. We must go to God!

Step 1: Recognize Anger as Sin

The Biblical prescription for dealing with destructive anger is precise and strong. Strife, malice, hatred, outbursts of wrath, dissension, contention, and the like are works of the flesh–of the sinful nature (Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3-8). They are sin, and that’s good news because there is a divine solution for sin. God promised to help you. Dealing with sin is His specialty. Acts 4:12 says, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.”

A simple step that gives you a source of strength to “stop” angry responses is to invite Jesus to come into your life.

Yet many competent, able people have a hard time accepting the fact that we need supernatural help. “I can manage my anger. Isn’t that good enough?” It certainly beats exploding. But the best you can do is to manage your anger. Only God can help you to “stop” because anger is sin. Therefore, you need a Savior who will cleanse you of your sins.

It is not inevitable that we must spend the rest of our lives struggling with anger. It can be “put away.” Once we accept the fact that anger is sin and we need a Savior, we can practice a simple Biblical directive–daily, if necessary: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Anger is sin. It is destructive. God will cleanse the anger out of our hearts.

Step 2: Replace Anger with the Fruit of the Spirit

When you have a forgiven, cleansed heart, you can ask God for the power of the Holy Spirit to produce the fruit of the Spirit in your life as described in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

You will still have problems, face injustices, and encounter difficult people–as everyone does. You will still need to be energized, alerted, and motivated to correct what needs correcting. But a Christian knows that a person energized by the Holy Spirit with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control has the strength to conquer the bitter and sarcastic words, anxiety, bodily tensions and violent behavior that formerly characterized him.

A Christian does not always surrender to God perfectly any more than he can manage himself perfectly. Few people make it through any given day perfectly. But with God’s help, you can catch anger at the earliest possible point.

An elated, middle-aged gentleman told me this story:

Mike had made a poor decision that cost his company thousands of dollars. His boss called him and severely berated him over the phone. A contrite man hung up the phone and it rang again. It was his boss’s boss, who proceeded to berate him also.

Mike felt himself becoming angry. Without interrupting the conversation, he repented and prayed for a peaceful heart. Before the conversation ended, he was fully relaxed.

When you realize you have sinned, take it to God. Our response to people and circumstances on the outside of us constantly reminds us of the condition inside us:  an imperfect spiritual life which seems easier to justify or deny than to face.

We have the need for daily renewal of our dependency upon God. No one is exempt. There is none righteous. There is no human remedy. Daily dependence on God for help does not gradually change to self-sufficient independence. You should deal with anger as sin just as soon as you are aware of it, regardless of how mild your response is. Confession and repentance pull the plug and cleanse the heart of any anger lurking there. Do it as often as necessary.

2 Corinthians 9:8 shares these wonderful words:  “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work”.

And that is the good news for everyone who is filled with anger and malice and bitterness. The people in your life may never change their ways. Circumstances may be beyond your control. But fortunately you can do something about yourself. You can open your heart to God, who is able to fill it with bountiful grace. But whether you allow God to give you His grace is your decision.

Strangely, most people who seek counsel will argue that they have the right to be angry. “Under my circumstances, can you blame me?” they will say in stout defense. Of course they have the right to be angry; but as long as they argue in defense of their wrath, they will see no need nor have any desire to change and thus be delivered from the unhappiness of anger.

One of the most-quoted verses in the Bible is Ephesians 4:26:  “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

My clients uniformly declare that this verse means that their kind of anger is not sin. That may be true … but I don’t think so. There is a part of that verse that is not debatable. Call your anger righteous if you will; this verse says to get rid of it by sundown.

How do we experience anger and not sin? The same way Jesus experienced anger–if we are walking in union with Him and in the Holy Spirit–by not allowing the sun to go down on the anger nor allowing the devil a foothold. Once we allow anger to become a motivating factor in our lives, the warning in James 1:20 applies:  “for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

There is no human remedy. Only God can cleanse your heart. God commands us to walk in His Spirit. We are ordered to love evil people

A certain couple came to visit me. The lady sat there seething with animosity toward her husband. She had just learned that he had been unfaithful to her throughout their 30-year marriage. There were dozens of other women involved. Her husband sat there looking very contrite. He had a long history of deception, hypocrisy, and satisfying his lusts.

He claimed to be genuinely repentant. No one would believe him. They said he was only sorry he got caught. He said his wife, who was normally a pleasant person, had become an angry, hateful, unresponsive person. She said it was his fault. He didn’t know what more he could do. He wanted to know if I believed him.

My answer? “God loves both of you enough to have sacrificed His Son for your sins and to give you access to the fruit of the Spirit. I love both of you, too, but I have no way of knowing the condition of your hearts.”

The good news is that her husband’s behavior could not come between her and God. She could call on God at any time and exchange her animosity for love, joy, peace, and kindness. All were available for the asking. Of course, she would still need to deal with her marital problem–even after a change of heart.

Her husband had the same access to God. He could exchange his sins for the fruit of the Spirit.

I have seen others sitting in the same chairs:

• A woman unfaithful to her husband
• A man who beat his wife’s face into a swollen black and blue mess
• A couple who swindled some widows of tens of thousands of dollars
• A teenage thief who is on drugs or alcohol
• A man tormented by the memory of raping and killing a woman
• A woman who walked away from her husband and children
• A teacher who sexually abused some students
• A couple who disagreed over money, social life, or how to manage children

I can go on and on. The range of human behavior because of sinful hearts seems endless. I suppose the most serious are couples and parents who neglect each other and their children.

God loves them all; none of these people deserve it. They are all sinners–just a prayer away from a new start.

Unrepentant, intelligent people believe that they can justify their anger because God gets angry. This is why they comb the Gospels for any shred of evidence that Jesus got angry. The term “righteous indignation” just blurs the issue. Perhaps 95 percent of anyone’s anger is plain, old-fashioned sin and we all know it. Anger plagues everyone. We should simply face it and take Jesus up on His offer:  “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

Maybe you struggle with some of these emotions, feeling you have a right to them because of how you’ve been treated. But Ephesians goes on to say, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”

Now being kind and forgiving someone is extremely difficult when your feelings aren’t so loving! However, at some point, even though you may not want to, you decide to try to love the one who has mistreated you. To your surprise, you discover that it doesn’t work! You can control what you say, the way you look at them, and the way you behave, but you can’t control your feelings. Why is that?

2 Corinthians 3:5-6 gives us an answer: “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the Spirit, for the letter killeth, but the Spirit giveth life.” So yes, you can possibly control your behavior, and the way you talk, but you can’t control your spirit. The Christian life isn’t a matter of self-improvement, or will power, or determination, it’s a matter of a changed heart, and only God can change your heart!

Ask God to change your heart!

Take a step . . .
Ask God in prayer to show you the real condition of your heart. Admit to Him your wrong emotions, desires, and selfishness. Tell Him you’re sorry and ask Him to forgive and cleanse you. Ask Him to help you to submit to Him and to fill your heart with kindness, tenderheartedness, forgiveness, and love.

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s message entitled Marriage.

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Have emotions such as anger, resentment, hate, hostility, bitterness and revenge entered your heart and mind? Have you become filled with an unforgiving spirit?

Unforgiveness can be a hidden disease. It can make you a prisoner within yourself.

The Bible says “If you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Heavenly Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15, KJV).

That may seem harsh. But why shouldn’t God expect you to forgive those who have offended you, when He has forgiven you of so much?

Choosing to forgive is a choice of your will. When you make that choice your heart is then open and ready for the Lord’s cleansing.

Choosing not to forgive is also a choice of your will. But the door of your heart is then shut and God will not do His cleansing work.

When an unforgiving spirit lives inside you, it isn’t bothering those who have wronged you. They’ve gone on their way. But you are still holding onto something that has taken control of your thoughts, actions, and words. It eats away at you like a poisonous cancer, and you find yourself bound, with no peace. In reality, you are punishing yourself.

But to forgive in your own power is futile, because your heart must first be cleansed of all the things that unforgiveness creates. Only Jesus can make that happen. He laid down His life and shed His blood to give us the gift of salvation and clean up our hearts. Through Him, there is freedom and victory.

God says “Come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28, KJV). Isn’t rest what we long for when filled with the torture of an unforgiving spirit?

According to 1 John 1:9, ”If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (KJV). So why not invite Christ into your heart? Cast your cares upon Him. Let Him do the cleansing. Let Him take that unforgiving spirit out of your heart and give you a new heart with a forgiving spirit. You could pray a prayer like this: “Lord Jesus, forgive me for bearing a grudge toward the person who has wronged me. Come into my heart, take control of my life. Cleanse me of this unforgiving spirit, and fill me with a forgiving spirit.”

One man who prayed a similar prayer said, “I’ve got peace in my heart, and I’ve got love in my heart for those who have wronged me. One of the greatest possessions I own now is a forgiving heart.” His burden had been surrendered, and freedom was his.

Take a step . . .

Are you harboring an unforgiving spirit? What’s preventing you from letting it go? Remember, your unwillingness to forgive is harming you far more than the person who has made you angry. Give it to God and ask Him to cleanse your heart and free you to experience His love and grace.

This is a summary of Dr. Brandt’s message The Power of Forgiveness.

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Another malady that plagues many people is fear. Some psychologists maintain that the causes of anger and the causes of fear are identical. In the case of anger, something has already happened. In the case of fear, there is the prospect that something will happen. This view makes these Bible verses come alive: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18)

These are emotions that are in us. Once we accept the fact that the wrath or fear or guilt is in us, we can deal with it. And that is the good news for everyone filled with anger and malice and bitterness. The people in your life may never change their ways.

Circumstances may be beyond your control. But fortunately you can do something about yourself. You can open your heart to God, who is able to fill it with bountiful grace. But whether you allow God to give you His grace is your decision.

Strangely, most persons who seek counsel will argue that they have the right to be angry. “Under my circumstances, can you blame me?” they will say in stout defense. Of course they have the right to be angry, but as long as they argue in defense of their wrath, they will see no need nor have any desire to change and thus be delivered from the unhappiness of anger.

But to say, “I am like that,” is going only halfway. Admission leads nowhere unless it implies a desire to change. It must mean that the mother sincerely wants help with her temper and the young people with their conduct, and that they turn to God for help.

How precise 1 John 1:9 is on this point: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The person who confesses this way–having faith that God is able and willing to help them and having a desire for God’s help–is well on the way to peace. The person who admits, “I’m like that,” but does nothing about changing, will not find genuine inner peace. Nor will the person who denies responsibility for the wrong they know they have done.

Most people cause their own misery. Their guilt is not imaginary, but real. An inward look and a backward look can give the reasons and point the way to peace of mind. Yet such self-views are not easy to achieve. We tend to flee from the truth about ourselves: “Men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil” (John 3:19).

When an individual discovers hatred in their heart, they usually find other disorders as well. Their personality may resemble an iceberg. Perhaps only jealousy shows, or envy, or temper. But submerged are other disastrous emotions that deny them peace. And one emotion can hardly be dealt with singly; every emotion must be exposed to the light.

This is an excerpt of chapter 4 from Dr. Brandt’s book, The Struggle for Inner Peace, currently available as an e-book.

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Maybe you’re spending hours talking your problem out with a professional or a trusted friend. They listen, and you feel better because you have talked things through, but you don’t really experience lasting peace. The professional or your friend may be telling you that you just need to readjust your environment to find peace. That may be true, but it’s also true that you need to deal with what is inside of you. What are you holding on to?

One of the toughest things to do when we’re wrong is to admit fault to ourselves, and admit to the Lord that we’ve sinned. Sin is not a very popular word these days, and it’s an even harder behavior to admit when it is your own. But the good news is that sin is the simplest thing to deal with!

The victory message of the Church today is found in the Bible: Jesus Christ came to this earth to die for your sins and to enable you to walk in the Spirit. The question is: How can you free yourself from sin?

Freeing yourself from sin involves repentance, and repentance can be broken down into five practical steps.

The first step is to admit and say to God, “I’m wrong.” King David knew he was wrong when he committed adultery. But until that reality moved from his head to his heart, he didn’t want to repent. Human nature hasn’t changed. Before you can move to the next step, you need to admit your sin to God.

Step two is saying to God, “I’m sorry.” However, it’s important to remember that you aren’t simply telling God you’re sorry in order to make yourself feel better. It’s saying, “I’m sorry God,” and really meaning it. According to 2 Corinthians 7:9-13, “The world’s sorrow brings death, but a Godly sorrow brings life.”

Step three follows: “God, forgive me.” Not, “God forgive me because I feel guilty, and I don’t like that feeling.” That’s not repentance; that’s just wanting to feel better. You need to say from your heart, “God, forgive me for the wrong that I’ve done.”

And you’ll know God’s forgiveness has come when you are able to go on to the fourth step and can say in all sincerity, “God, cleanse me. I’m not just wanting relief from my sin. I want a change of life. I want you to restore fellowship with me as though I’ve done nothing wrong.” Isn’t that what you really want with your Heavenly Father?

That will lead you into step five, where you admit you can’t walk in the Spirit in your own flesh, and you say “God, I don’t have it in and of myself to be a loving individual in this relationship. I’m at the end of my rope, so please empower me.”

Being empowered is asking God to fill you full of His Spirit where you’ll experience a peace that passes all understanding, and the kind of joy that is humanly impossible to attain. God wants to give you the ability to live a Spirit-filled life in the midst of your difficult situations. Are you willing to allow Him to bring you peace?

Take a step . . .

Memorize Psalm 139:23-24:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

[Go to Discover Inner Peace]