“Three years ago I was bedridden. I had a half-dozen things wrong with my body. I just lay in my room, disgusted with God that He should allow such misery to come to one who had served Him as I had. My only consolation was the radio. One day your counseling program came on. You spoke about the importance of forgiving those who had wronged us. You quoted Matthew 6:15, ‘But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ ‘Of course,’ I said to myself, ‘he’s no doubt young and healthy and has everything going for him. Nothing ever happened to him like it has to me. It’s easy for him to forgive.’ The following week, I was determined not to listen to you, but I did. You said that unforgiveness can cause misery for the one who refuses to forgive. You quoted from James 3:14 and 16, ‘But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not … for where envying and strife is there is confusion and every evil work.’ I yelled at my wife to turn that radio off. In the silence that followed, those words continued to resound in my soul. I have never experienced such anguish. When it came time for your program the next week, somehow I couldn’t keep the radio off. That time your Scripture was Isaiah 32:17, ‘And the work of righteousness will be peace; and the effect of righteousness will be quietness and assurance forever.’ I was a wretched man, but a thoughtful one, when you finished speaking that day. ‘What he says is from the Lord,’ I told myself. ‘The strife and confusion that he spoke about certainly describes me – and I have no peace or quietness, so where is my righteousness?’

I have a son and daughter, both married. Their two families entered business together, but by dishonest means one family wrestled the business from the other. Bitterness flared in my heart toward the guilty pair. I said I could never forgive the evil deeds that brought so much turmoil to my home. But there on my sickbed after the third broadcast, I began to see that by refusing to forgive, I was hurting only myself. I cried out to God to forgive me. In my heart, I forgave my children. I committed the whole matter to God. Eventually, the wrong was made right, but it wasn’t this happy development that brought me health again. My crippling ailments disappeared when my bitterness was taken away. That is what forgiveness did in my life.”

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Dear Bill:

I don’t have to remind you of the problem Mom always was. How well you knew her self-pity, sarcasm, jealousy, suspicion, injustice, self-righteousness, and nagging that ended only in long periods of sulky silence. You rebelled openly, but my rebellion was silent. I buried the bitterness and resentment, but I buried them in the wrong place. I hid them in my heart and they have come back to torment me. Even after she died, I blamed Mom for making me the wretched person I was.

Things got worse after Ken and I married. I no longer had the moral support of family and friends to bolster my attitude. I was suddenly surrounded by new people, and a new set of circumstances. In them, I discovered a new measurement of myself, and in the balance I was found wanting. About a year ago, a series of events brought me to a long conversation with the Lord. When it was over, I realized I couldn’t go through life blaming someone else for what I was. The trouble was, I didn’t know what to do, I only added confusion to resentment.

Two weeks ago, Dr. Henry Brandt came to speak in our town. Talking to him privately, I told him in more detail what I’ve told you. He said I needed to do two things: 1) forgive Mom, and 2) pray for grace to face the kind of people to whom I react bitterly. He said that if the memories of Mom stir rancor in me, it is because rancor is in me. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts…wickedness…pride and foolishness” (Mark 7:21-22).

My problem, then, turns out to be not Mom, but me and my relationship with the Lord. Because Christ offers peace and joy in place of bitterness and anger, the question boils down to this: Do I accept what He has to offer, or don’t I?

Bill, I have made my choice, but much still remains to be worked out in my daily life. Frankly, I’m a little scared. However, although I know a lot about my own weakness, I also know something about the strength of the Lord.

All through the years, our problem of rebelliousness and hatred has been the same. The answer is the same, too. I want you to enjoy the wonderful peace that has come into my life through Christ.

Your sis,

Linda

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

But Peter, now 22, was far from being the happy fellow that folks supposed him to be. After a promising start as a tool designer, he lost his job and then two others after short trials. He renounced his church. He became involved in escapades that would have been public scandals had they been known.

This sensitive, yet outwardly impersonal young man finally came to my office for help. I discovered that while acting the part of an exemplary youth, Peter had possessed private thoughts that violently opposed the principles of his upbringing. He had repressed these thoughts all through his school years, then discarded the old restraints when he left home. And still he wasn’t happy!

Probing for the reasons of his earlier parental obedience, I discovered that it was mainly from fear. “They made me feel evil if I disobeyed them. I was afraid they wouldn’t love me or that they would belt me or give me a tongue lashing if I did anything against their standards.”

Thoroughly tired of blind obedience, this honor student rebelled against authority after leaving home. He built up resentment against his bosses and acquaintances and walled himself off.

Peter had apparently chosen a new set of standards for his life, one almost opposite to that of his parents. This was his privilege, but he must not expect them to approve of his standards, I emphasized. Their treatment of Peter may have been a “bum deal” from his perspective, but he had to grant them the right to maintain their own beliefs.

When Peter focused on his situation objectively, he could say, “I see now why I lost interest in my work; tool designing was Dad’s idea.” He also understood his restlessness and carelessness as darts he was throwing at his parents to punish them for their harsh supervision. When he forgave them, the wails of resentment tumbled.

Previously, Peter had not dared to admit personal sin, because he had been warned that an angry God punishes sin. Now, Peter saw that Christ died to “forgive and put away all sin.” He started picking spiritual skeletons out of his closet and acknowledging them to God, standing on 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Peter decided, after all, that his parents’ standards were the ones he wanted. He got his first job back. He now accepts people for what they are. He has discovered that life is worth living in the full freedom of Christ.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.