Biblical Counseling Insights

Peace Does Not Come in Capsules!

mary — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:57:59 +0000

Dr. S.I. McMillen spent many years studying Jewish and Christian writings in search of Biblical principles and directions for living. As a result of this research, he wrote the bestseller book, None of These Diseases, which describes the physical consequences of wrong living. He pointed out that there may be sin in the picture when aches and pains show up:

Peace does not come in capsules! This is regrettable because medical science recognizes that emotions such as fear, sorrow, envy, resentment and hatred are responsible for the majority of our sicknesses. Estimates vary from 60% to nearly 100%. Emotional stress can cause high blood pressure, toxic goiter, migraine headaches, arthritis, apoplexy, heart trouble, gastrointestinal ulcers, and other serious diseases too numerous to mention. As physicians we can prescribe medicine for the symptoms of these diseases, but we cannot do much for the underlying cause–emotional turmoil.¹

In his book, Dr. McMillen gives a masterful description of the effects of hate:

The moment I start hating a man, I become his slave. I can’t enjoy my work anymore because he even controls my thoughts. My resentments produce too many stress hormones in my body and I become fatigued after only a few hours of work. The work I formerly enjoyed is now drudgery. Even vacations cease to give me pleasure. I may be in a luxurious car that I drive along a lake fringed with the autumnal beauty of maple, oak, and birch. As far as my experience of pleasure is concerned, I might as well be driving a wagon in mud and rain.

The man I hate hounds me wherever I go. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. When the waiter serves me porterhouse steak with French fries, asparagus, crisp salad, and strawberry shortcake smothered with ice cream, it might as well be stale bread and water. My teeth chew the food and I swallow it, but the man I hate will not permit me to enjoy it…

The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom; but more cruel than any slave driver, he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my innerspring mattress becomes a rack of torture. The lowliest of the serfs can sleep, but not I. I really must acknowledge the fact that I am a slave to every man on whom I pour the vials of my wrath.²

When your body hurts, check your spirit. The pain may be a signal to pay attention to your thoughts and emotions.

I once assumed that pain was always the physician’s territory. But now I ask, When resentment, anger, hatred, and rebellion are involved, are you not in the minister’s territory?

Here is a scripture to think about:

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

Galatians 5:16

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¹S. I. McMillen, None of These Diseases (Waco, TX: Word Books, nd.), 64-65

²Ibid., 73-74.

Deception

mary — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:00:59 +0000

Charles Cook was anxious and restless. He found it hard to concentrate. When he sat down, he could never relax, so he got up frequently to pace the floor, to get a drink of water, to check the time or to look out the window. Cordial and friendly, Charles was the type of person who made you feel that, in him, you really had someone who cared about you and your problems.

“Give me a call–anytime,” he would say cheerfully to everyone visiting his office. Or, “You’ve got to come over to the house and tell me more about it.”

Some people took him up on his offers of hospitality. And there was the rub! His friendliness was an act. He didn’t really mean for business associates to call him–let alone drop in at his home. He was just making conversation.

Whenever trapped, he always had a way of getting out.

“I’d be glad to stop by some night,” a client would say in response to his invitation. “How about Thursday?”

“Sounds fine. But let me check with my wife’s plans and call you,” Charles would say. Not for a minute did he intend to have this guy taking up his evening.

The next day he would telephone the client to apologize. “Sorry, but my wife’s got me tied up with the PTA Thursday night. Let me contact you later.”

Why did he invite people to call or visit him? It was the polite thing to do. Why did he then lie to the one he had invited? He did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

But occasionally, Charles Cook could not get out of his self-made trap. He would have to play the role of genial host to people he did not like. His acting was superb. But what a distasteful way of life! Is there any wonder that he was an anxious, uneasy man? “Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel” (Proverbs 20:17).

Charles Cook imagined himself a cordial and polite individual because he sounded like one. But by his rationalization, he was covering up a basic dislike of people and had fooled even himself into thinking he was a congenial man.

He needed to face the fact that his geniality was only a front. But to deceive even himself was easier than squaring up with the truth. Yet he could not get away with his duplicity. “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

Charles had to make up his mind what he wanted in life–whether to be around people or not. If he wanted to accept others, he would need a change of heart. Whatever his decision, if he was to be free of his anxiety, his behavior had to be changed to match the desire of his heart.

This story is taken from Dr. Brandt’s book, “The Struggle for Inner Peace.” The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Competing Spouses

mary — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:00:24 +0000

When the Dolans, a Christian couple, came to see me, they had not spoken to each other for several weeks. The tension had become unbearable.

The issue was over dancing in gym class. Hal Dolan had said flatly that their son should not participate.

Melissa Dolan had agreed in front of her husband, but privately gave their son permission to participate. Hal found out about it through a conversation with a neighbor who had visited the gym class.

That night at dinner Mr. Dolan asked his son Dave, “What do you do during gym class?”

”I study in the library” he lied. Then Mr. Dolan told them what he had heard. There was a bitter fight that night. Hal ordered Dave to obey him. Dave refused. His mother backed Dave.

Mr. Dolan threatened to leave and Melissa told him to go. His bluff was called. He didn’t leave, but they hadn’t spoken since.

It was impossible to talk to them together. One contradicted the other. After many sessions, it became clear that this incident was only the last straw. Across the years they had clashed over many issues.

The Dolans were competitors, opponents. I referred them to a Biblical principle: “I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought” (1 Corinthians 1:10).

This was inconceivable to them. Even though they went to church regularly they never really took the Bible seriously, and they seldom consulted it. Mr. Dolan perceived his role as head of the house to mean that he should give the orders without consulting his wife. To consider her opinion meant that he was weak. To her, it was important that she stick up for her rights, or she would lose her identity.

”What you are really saying,” I told them separately, “is that you must have your own way.” Both had the personal problem of selfishness. The issue over folk dancing only brought their problem to a head.

After many counseling sessions together, there was finally a confession to the Lord of selfishness and a plea to Him for help in getting on the same team. With a new spirit of oneness between them, the Dolans are now working out a mutually agreeable and satisfactory life together.

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

The Misery of Unforgiveness

mary — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 15:00:37 +0000

A well-groomed man of nearly 60 sought me out after I had spoken at a banquet and said to me, “I’ve got a story you must hear.” I sat with him and heard an amazing testimonial to God’s grace. Here is his story:

“Three years ago I was bedridden. I had a half-dozen things wrong with my body. I just lay in my room, disgusted with God that He should allow such misery to come to one who had served Him as I had. My only consolation was the radio. One day your counseling program came on. You spoke about the importance of forgiving those who had wronged us. You quoted Matthew 6:15, ‘But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ ‘Of course,’ I said to myself, ‘he’s no doubt young and healthy and has everything going for him. Nothing ever happened to him like it has to me. It’s easy for him to forgive.’ The following week, I was determined not to listen to you, but I did. You said that unforgiveness can cause misery for the one who refuses to forgive. You quoted from James 3:14 and 16, ‘But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not … for where envying and strife is there is confusion and every evil work.’ I yelled at my wife to turn that radio off. In the silence that followed, those words continued to resound in my soul. I have never experienced such anguish. When it came time for your program the next week, somehow I couldn’t keep the radio off. That time your Scripture was Isaiah 32:17, ‘And the work of righteousness will be peace; and the effect of righteousness will be quietness and assurance forever.’ I was a wretched man, but a thoughtful one, when you finished speaking that day. ‘What he says is from the Lord,’ I told myself. ‘The strife and confusion that he spoke about certainly describes me – and I have no peace or quietness, so where is my righteousness?’

I have a son and daughter, both married. Their two families entered business together, but by dishonest means one family wrestled the business from the other. Bitterness flared in my heart toward the guilty pair. I said I could never forgive the evil deeds that brought so much turmoil to my home. But there on my sickbed after the third broadcast, I began to see that by refusing to forgive, I was hurting only myself. I cried out to God to forgive me. In my heart, I forgave my children. I committed the whole matter to God. Eventually, the wrong was made right, but it wasn’t this happy development that brought me health again. My crippling ailments disappeared when my bitterness was taken away. That is what forgiveness did in my life.”

The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Choices

mary — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 22:06:53 +0000

My wife and I were driving along I-95 through Florida on a beautiful, sunny afternoon. We were chatting pleasantly. The cruise control was set at 55 miles per hour and we were in the middle lane. A car on the left whizzed past us and suddenly swerved into our lane. I had to stomp quickly on the brakes to prevent a nasty accident. My wife didn’t see the car but she felt the effect of the brakes, which caused her body to lurch forward. I calmly told her what had happened. Together we watched that car weave in and out of different lanes until it was out of sight.

Later that day I recalled the incident. It dawned on me that when that car swerved in front of me, I had to make a split-second decision to either walk in the Spirit or in the flesh. That I responded peacefully with a kind attitude toward that driver was a miracle. I could recall similar instances when, in a split second, I was transformed into an angry man with my heart pounding, my body alert, and a stream of nasty words tumbling out of my mouth.

We make many such split-second decisions every day. Without our noticing, other people make choices that affect us and force us into making a decision. We have no control of the incidents around us, but we do determine whether to yield to the Spirit or to the flesh.

When I note that I yield to the Spirit instead of the flesh, I do so with a sense of grateful relief. How positively wonderful it is to know that I no longer need to manage myself by myself! Now I can let God do it – per His request. Take it to the Lord in prayer; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

The Bible tells us, “For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).

Consistent living is a matter of recognizing your own personal inability to produce the kind of spirit that you want, no matter how intense your desire. It involves receiving and yielding to the Spirit of Christ.