Looking at your situation more closely, you will discover that this isn’t a marriage problem. It’s about a man who has a problem, and a woman who has a problem. Before you can dare hope to be able to manage your children properly, you need to take a good look at yourselves. Why? Because it takes a happy, relaxed man and woman to manage children.

The Bible gives some sound instruction on how to go about this. Ephesians 6:2-3 tells us to “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God hath given you.” To be worthy of honor means to behave in a certain way. Your relationship with your own mother and father is a very critical relationship to take a look at. If you have unresolved issues between you and your parents, it’s crucial that you straighten those out, because the processes involved with coming to terms with your parents are the same processes that are involved in dealing with your children.

Keep in mind that children are very observant. They’ll watch how you get along with your parents, and form thoughts and opinions that could cause problems both with you and with your parents. After all, your parents are the grandparents of your children. So things should be good, not only for your sake, but for your children’s as well. Do all you can to see that issues are resolved and that your relationship with your parents and your in-laws is a friendly one. That’s an important aspect of raising children, for you’re demonstrating your character while you’re training your children.

As a father, make sure your children honor their mother and that they see you are honoring her as well. God gave you the responsibility to see to it that you do everything you can to make your wife the most fulfilled, happy person she can possibly be. That’s your job as a husband, and the same responsibility goes for your wife toward you.

Parents are children’s role models. They will copy you, and you want them copying behaviors that will help them to develop into emotionally healthy individuals.

Take a step . . .
Take a few minutes to evaluate your relationship with your parents, your in-laws, your spouse, and your children. How can you show more honor to your parents and your in-laws? What can you do to show your children that you honor and respect your spouse? What behaviors in your life are good for your children to model? What behaviors in your life do you need to change for the benefit of those in your family?

This summary is from Dr Brandt’s message I Want to Enjoy My Children.

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People say in their marriage vows: “I will love you and comfort you and keep you in sickness and in health. Forsaking all others, keep unto you as long as we both shall live.  Take you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.”

We dutifully tell each other that. But unless we bring the fruit of the Spirit into our marriage, these vows are impossible to keep.

If you get married with the idea that the person you’re marrying is going to transform your life – turn you into a loving kindly, gentle, cheerful, happy person – you’re mistaken. Marriage is first of all a matter of your spirit, and marriage will reveal what kind of spirit is in your heart.

Philippians 2:1 gives us some practical advice for marriage. “If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy ….” The interaction we have with our spouse comes from God, not from what’s happening around us.

Does this describe you? Is Christ living in you, helping you to love your spouse, or are you trying in your own strength to make the relationship work?

Verse 2 of the same chapter in Philippians tells us, “Make my joy complete: be of the same mind.” Many times we are unable to move on to verse 2 because of the condition of our own hearts. That may be why you are having trouble with your marriage.

The choices you make in your hours together will determine what kind of a relationship you are going to have with each other. The condition of your relationship will reveal the condition of your heart. According to Philippians 1:2 your goal in marriage is this: “Make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” You need to work at being of the same mind!

To do that Philippians 2:3 instructs you to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit.” Selfish ambition – pretty strong words! Are you looking out for yourself or for your spouse?

For every two couples getting married, there’s one couple ending up in divorce court. Why? Because to have your own way is more important than the marriage. Being “like-minded” is a command of God, a basic fundamental requirement of any two people that have to work together. Being ‘like-minded” is tough – the circumstances of our lives are always changing, but the commitment to be “like-minded” can help you navigate the difficult places in your marriage.

Take a step . . .
Ask God to bring to your mind one way you can reach out to your spouse in an unselfish way. Then make yourself do that thing!

This is a summary from Dr. Brandt’s manuscript Marriage God ‘s Way.

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Many people are confused and mixed up. The Bible is the only true mirror that can help a person unscramble their mixed-up thinking. However, the Bible is a difficult book to face for the person who is on the defensive. And so the real question is: Does this person want to change?

People in a state of confusion need hope–the hope of God! Romans 15:13 tells us, “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” It’s God that fills hearts with hope!

Many times individuals will focus on whatever difficulty is in front of them. It is important to direct them to the root problem:  an issue between themselves and God. The person you’re counseling needs to admit they’re wrong. 1 John 1:7 says, “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

The Word of God is a discerner of the thoughts and the intents of the heart. We can all make excuses for not walking in the Spirit–our past, our childhood, how people have treated us. But the true issue is: What does the Bible say? This is what you, as a counselor, must point out to those you counsel. Challenge the people you interact with to walk moment by moment with the Lord, and to be sensitive to the fact that the Lord will, in His faithfulness, cast light on their path.

Take a step . . .

Memorize Hebrews 4:12: “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Ask God to help you to apply His Word wisely as you counsel others.
Read Hebrews 4:12, Romans 5:13, James 3:14 and  1 John 1:7.

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s message, The Use of the Bible in Counseling.

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God sent Samuel to give King Saul an assignment. This assignment could also be called a “job description.”

“The Lord sent me to anoint you king over His people, over Israel. Now therefore, heed the voice of the words of the Lord. Thus says the Lord of hosts: ‘I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he ambushed him on the way when he came up from Egypt. Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”

But Saul disobeyed. 

Saul attacked the Amalekites, from Havilah all the way to Shur, which is east of Egypt. He also took Agag king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword. But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were unwilling to utterly destroy them. But everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed.

Realizing Saul hadn’t completely done the job, Samuel confronted him. But Saul lied: “Blessed are you of the Lord! I have performed the commandment of the Lord.”

That’s why you need management, because someone needs to make sure that the people in your business do their work.

That’s what Samuel did. He put Saul on the spot. “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?”

Saul answered with an excuse. “They have brought them from the Amalekites; for the people spared the best of the sheep and the oxen, to sacrifice to the Lord your God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.”

Samuel ignored Saul’s reply, saying “Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord?”

You don’t need to answer people’s excuses, simply get back to the original responsibility.

Surprisingly, Saul twisted the assignment: “But I have obeyed the voice of the Lord, and gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me, and brought back Agag king of Amalek; I have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.”

Even though Samuel didn’t have the luxury of a written job description, it’s wise to write the job description down.

Samuel didn’t back down:  “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord?”

Does the Lord delight in how hard we work? Or in how much we are sacrificing? Samuel answers that question for us:  “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams”

Finally, Samuel brings the conversation to completion: “Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.”

When you lead people, you’re going to experience interplay between looking at the job and looking at the performance standards of your workers. Communicate your expectations clearly and follow up to see that the job gets done.

Are you currently in a leadership role where you have not communicated clearly what it is that you want/need done? Evaluate how you can communicate the expectations more clearly and then make the necessary changes.

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s manuscript, The Nature of Human Nature.

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Write job descriptions for the people that work for you, and remember you are the one who sets the policies and the guidelines. As the leader, you are the one setting the direction, getting the day-by-day operation done through other people. The wonder of management is that you get your work done through other people who follow through on what needs to be accomplished.

When you want a project done and know nothing about it, it’s important to delegate it to the people that do know and turn the responsibility of doing that project over to them. That’s management – simply finding the sharpest, keenest, most qualified people in your organization to do what needs to be done.

When you put to work the most qualified and the most knowledgeable people you can find in the area of their expertise, then you’ll be free to function in the area of your expertise. That’s not laziness. You are doing it together. You hold up your end as a leader, and they hold up theirs.

As a leader, you need to walk in the Spirit, leading your people in the ways of the Spirit. Take lots of time to think, to read God’s Word, and to dream. Schedule “nothing” for a period of time, so that you are rested, clear-minded, and spiritually refreshed. Then you’ll be fired up and ready to share with your people a word that will turn the light on in their thinking and doing – something that will spur them on.

Having a message burning on your heart that you can’t wait to share with your people is one of the first ways of establishing rapport and confidence in you, and your people will want to help you with whatever project is important to you.

And this was what the Apostle Paul was saying in Romans 1:11-12: “I long to see you, that I may impart unto you some spiritual gift, to the end ye may be established; that is, that I may be comforted together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me.”

It’s wonderful to watch your staff grow in knowledge, experience, and grace, and to watch your projects expand as you work together. As a leader, you don’t have to do the project. You just have to see that it gets done. That’s management.

Take a step . . .
Begin to head into a project that’s on your heart, using the basic principles of goal setting, delegating, and dreaming.

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s manuscript The Need to Delegate and Follow Up.

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